Sunday, June 14, 2009

Work with Spirit

" He who loves money must labor." - Mauritania


As a consultant, I don't earn anything unless I work, unlike some who have paid vacations and holidays. This is not a complaint, but a reality, my reality. But work for me is not labor or struggle, but an expression of my identity. Work is not the core of who I am, but an integral part of the way I account for my presence in this life. I love the work I do, because when I am working with others, I experience joy. I like watching the faces of people who light up with a new understanding of something they didn't know that they knew. A teary-eyed employee who suddenly realizes that she is being listened to without judgment warms my own heart. A team of managers who smile at each other as they leave a retreat because of a sense of satisfaction with their decisions reinforces my belief in the collective wisdom of people. I marvel at the dedication of leaders who work with passion to improve the lives of others, sometimes being the only window to the future for those who have lost their way. My reward is being with others and deriving joy from the temporary connections with them.

For a short space in time, I experience a sense of community, and the presence of Spirit. What I do with others is less important to me than how I feel the presence of Spirit with me as I connect with others. Often I will design a retreat or a training with specific times for certain activities, but Spirit is there, knowing the needs of all present, including me, and begins to respond. I am just a player in the drama of my work, not the playwright. It is only an illusion for me that I act alone. There is a powerful energy present with me at all times. Spiritual energy flows freely when I acknowledge its presence.

Money for me is part of the flow of energy that allows me to do what is necessary and enjoyable in my life. Energy is not something you love, but something you allow to flow. Like the rush of water from the faucet, I can turn it off or turn in on, depending on my intention. When it is on, I appreciate what it can do for me, and when it is off, I do not think about it but I know it is available. I have faith that the faucet if turned on will produce water. If there is a water supply interruption, I am confident that the problem will be resolved, and that water will once again flow freely.

The flow of money to and from me is a reality of life. If I am in a place of appreciating what I have now, of experiencing the joy in my work, the energy of money flows freely to me, but if I turn my attention to the lack of it, or if I see work as labor or struggle, the energy of money dries up, and the faucet gets clogged with doubt and fear. It is my belief or my intention that invites a response from Spirit. When I immerse myself in the deliciousness of my work with others, I am aligning myself with the truth of who I am. Work is an expression of our union with Spirit. When we allow that union to be acknowledged in appreciation, we work with integrity and joy.

Friday, June 5, 2009

Yes

" The toad likes water but not when it's boiling." - Guinea

We like to see the weather in the southeastern region of the USA warm up a bit during the spring, but during the summer - not so much. The summers can be relentless in abundant sunshine and profuse moisture that hangs in the air like steam in a small bathroom.

When I went to Ghana several years ago, I experienced intense heat that caused me to increase my usually limited consumption of water to several bottles throughout the day. I arrived home 10 pounds lighter and happy with the unexpected benefit of sweating profusely. But Ghana also gave me cool nighttime breezes from the ocean and spirited connections with people in the markets and various places I visited. I laughed and danced and was warmed by the hospitality and gracious invitations of the people I met. In the stillness of the night, I experienced the replay of the intensity of the day, and realized the blessings of my being there.

When the heat turns upward, we take positions and make changes in our lives. We may focus our energy and thoughts on the discomfort of the heat and change to different clothing or seek refuse in air-conditioned spots. We may be grateful for the absence of the cold, and plan to absorb as much of the sun and heat as possible or we may bask in the beauty and presence of Spirit in the changing seasons. Our various positions can determine how we experience the changes in temperature.

When our world heats up with challenging situations, we notice our discomfort, and we have memories of more peaceful times, so we can realize that all is temporary. Some of us change our view of the situation, finding peace in the midst of the chaos. Some of us are relieved, saying "Things could be a lot worse," and express our gratitude to Spirit.

We may also respond by allowing Spirit to be more fully recognized in our life, trusting that everything changes because the universe moves. We realize that in any challenging situation, Spirit's presence is our way through, around, over or under the obstacle. The way is to be present in the still moments when we focus on the silence, when we stop doing and start saying yes to Spirit. We say yes because we know that our discomfort is known, our questions are answered, and our requests are already fulfilled. Say yes to Spirit, and the waters will quiet down to a simmer. The water is our life; Spirit invites us into the flow.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Giving Love

"He who receives a gift does not measure. " - Kenya


My mother used to say that even if I didn't particularly like a gift I received that I should appreciate it because " it's the thought that counts." Gift giving is at best a delicate activity. Sometimes we receive gifts from others that are not to our liking, and may even be a bit offensive. We may attribute our bad feelings about the gifts to the insensitivity of the giver, or the giver's lack of recognition of who we are. On occasions, the receivers of gifts offer to return gifts to the giver that they do not like, or express disappointment with the choices.

Holidays (holy days), and special occasions become fraught with tensions and tentativeness about what kinds of gifts would be accepted and suitable to the receiver. Sometimes the giving of gifts becomes a kind of contest for originality, ingenuity or surprise, and often an odd statement of worth. Sometimes the packaging is as much a statement of value as the contents of the package. The game of gift-giving sacrifices the thought for appearances and illusion.

Often we're not privy to the intentions of others when they choose to give us gifts. Even though we may try to imagine their thinking, we may never have an image that matches their intention. We just know that we have been thought of in some way.

There are no imperfect gifts from Spirit. Even though infinite intelligence lovingly bestows gifts on us and gives us joy, we may not give full attention to the perfection of that power. There is a delicate dance of responsiveness and creation that generates for us a universe of abundance. The universe knows who we are, and responds fully and creatively, honoring each of us, while neglecting none of us. To Spirit, we are both significant and small, the center of attention and simply one of many. Spirit is all things to all beings, because Spirit is all there is.

Spirit is everywhere love is, so when we feel love and affection from others, Spirit is there. When the loving energy of giving shows up in our lives, Spirit is there. When others attempt to show their love the best way they can, Spirit is there. When others say I love you with their smiles and laughter or their recognition of our hopes and dreams, Spirit is there. When others think of us, holding us in their attention, Spirit is there. When we value others not for what they have to give, but for what lives in their heart, Spirit is there.

There is no beginning and no end to love, and therefore no way to measure it. Loving thoughts are gifts that we give to others and to ourselves. Love simply is.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Love Cures

"There is no medicine to cure hatred." - Ashanti

Hatred is symptomatic of a turning away from Life. It is fueled by a belief in separation from others, and an irrational expectation of redemption. Instead of generating redemption, hatred emotionally severs the relationship with Spirit, like unplugging an electrical cord that generates powerful, continuously flowing energy. The stale sparks of hatred cause the holder to burn and self-destruct as he attempts to burn others. But my thoughts and behaviors can be complicit in this drama. When I turn my attention to those who hate, I inadvertently give them power.

A friend called me a few years ago hysterically laughing at the irony of a TV report of a demonstration held during a KKK rally. While men dressed in white robes and hoods rallied against a list of groups of people they hated, another small group held placards that read, "We love you anyway," "Don't be afraid,"and "Your parents did the best they could for you." My friend also reported that after a few minutes, the hooded men disbanded, failing to get the negative attention they craved.

Each person who hates has a history, a series of life experiences that create a perfect storm for hatred. Anyone can become a suspect. Eric Hoffer, in his book entitled The True Believer, traces the development of mass movements, and the emotional, political and economic factors that contribute to bigotry and hatred. Pascal wrote,"The embarassment wherein [a person] finds himself produces in him the most unjust and criminal passions imaginable, for he conceives a moral hatred against that truth which blames him and convinces him of his faults." Hatred is at the core self-hatred, and a disconnection from who we really are.

When we allow ourselves to separate from others, to establish an "us vs. them" mentality, we have begun to emotionally separate ourselves from our relationship with Spirit. I remind myself that all human beings are spiritual beings, and that we are inextricably connected spirits. Just because a human being or like-minded group gathers to justify their illusion of separateness, does not make it a spiritual reality. But if enough people focus their thoughts on some person or group they hate, the power of that collective thinking, even in its perceived disconnection from spirit, can cause sometimes unimaginable cruelty and destruction. But know that the impact of that cruelty and destruction is not only felt by the receiver, but also by the giver. One cannot give what one does not already have. Those who hate others overcompensate for their self-hatred, diminished sense of self-worth and learned helplessness.

Spirit does not recognize these foibles, but rather knows the goodness of us all, and attends lovingly to us in spite of the damage that we may do to ourselves and others. Lifting us from the depression of our lives, Spirit holds us in the light and sees us as who we really are. Spirit is the model of who we can be with others - unwavering in our determination to think thoughts that feel good; holding others in a light that envisions their recovery from shame and pain; demonstrating that abundance is overflowing; and believing that broken hearts are healed and cries for help are answered with a simple question. Who am I being right now?I know for sure that I need not demand that someone suffer because I hurt, or die because I am afraid to live fully, or agree with me because my ideas are the only truth. I can be secure in knowing that everything always works out for us, if we allow joy to replace any vestige of hatred in our lives. Love is the cure.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Your Own Business

" Do not mend your neighbor's business before looking to your own." - Tanzania


J. California Cooper wrote a short story called "The Watcher" that describes a community busybody who is so busy watching others that she is unaware of her own family's destruction. The neighborhood busybody is a useful metaphor for the destructiveness of judgments and gossip, but it is more than that. What is our own business?
I believe that my business in this life is, as Joseph Campbell encouraged, to follow my bliss, not to the exclusion of others, but as a clear example of how wonderfully joyful life can be. Following my bliss in relationships is enjoying a conversation with my 78 year old sister, who delights in the antics of her grandchildren, or feeling proud of the extraordinary teacher that my 76 year old sister is, and wishing her well when she receives yet another award for her excellence. I follow my bliss when I observe the success of my young cousin who has worked hard in school to win accolades for her achievements.
When I consider how bravely my daughter meets the challenges in her life, still believing in the power of love, I know joy. When I hear the smiling voice of my grandson, who continues to light up my heart, I feel energized. The literal and figurative hugs of my Atlanta cousins, who have encouraged me through periods when I suffered with the illusion of disconnection from Spirit, and literally became dispirited, have helped to light the way to reconnection. They are continual beacons of compassion and unconditional love. When a long-time friend calls to chat, and we talk for 2 hours, I leave the conversation appreciating friendship and compassion. When I go for long walks with my little poodle and delight in his curiosity and energy, I am reminded of the simplicity of joy.
Spirit shows me what my business is each day; often the bliss of the experience keeps me busy into the night. What stands out for you as blissful in your experience? Are you following your bliss?

Monday, June 1, 2009

Voice of Spirit

" When the heart overflows, it comes out through the mouth." - Ethiopia


The words," I love you," have long held enormous power. What do the words actually mean today? What motivates us to express them? In Diane Ackerman's book, The Natural History of Love, she examines ideas about love from Plato's "perfect union" to attachment theory. Plato believed that people in a relationship are two incomplete halves, while attachment theorists believe that love is an escape from self into unhealthy attachments to others. Many theorists are concerned about the results of the loss of the person who is attached as the reason for emotional disturbance and self-destructive behavior.
Marianne Williamson writes in Enchanted Love, "You will not be lonely today because my love is here for you. I see you in the arms of God, and know that we are there together." Whether we think we are completing ourselves in union with another or forming an attachment or clinging to another, we are seeking the power of a loving relationship. But we are not powerless in this world, and our relationship with Spirit is complete and eternal. Other relationships are temporary reassurances that we are not alone in this world, but our spiritual bond is infinite.
When we love, we are living from our soul, and expressing the Spirit within us. Unexpressed love leaves us feeling stuck, because the Spirit within us, the love that we came to this life to be, must flow from us.
Keeping love to ourselves is like attempting to stop the flow of a waterfall with a spoon! Love is a powerful flow of energy that we can use to power our compassion, authenticity, and presence. Many of us say that we must acknowledge the Spirit within us and let God into our lives, but as Paul Gonyea of the Spiritual Living Center once said, "we must let God out." When we are filled with Spirit, we express our love freely.
Some of us may feel reluctant to express love too often or too quickly in our relationships, because of fear of rejection, or concerns about not receiving an expression of love in return. Some of us on the other hand may be reluctant to hold their expressions of love, because they believe it is expected of them. How many of us say "I love you," when we don't really mean it? How often do we regret having said "I love you" to another in an intimate encounter, too soon? Spirit is love unconditionally expressing itself through us, without respect to timing or strategy. Love simply is. When we make our loving relationships instrumental or part of a bargain, we construct shadows and uncertainties around the energy of the soul that Love is. Each moment of our lives is an opportunity to love. How will you let Spirit out today?

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Modeling

" Seeing is different from being told." -Kenya


A few years ago, I decided to study the Japanese language. I registered for a noncredit course at a local community college, and eagerly awaited the start of classes. On the first night of instruction, a teacher entered the class and immediately began to speak Japanese. I was thrust into the sounds of the language, but my visual preferences were denied until she went to the board and began to write as she spoke certain words. I remember vividly how I felt when I saw the Japanese characters written on the board. When she satisfied my visual sense, I began to understand. Within minutes of seeing the unfamiliar words, I became comfortable with the learning and the language. That experience was an instance of literal seeing, but there are other ways that we see. When we say, "I see, " we can also mean, "I understand." When we see, we are connected with something visually, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. As human beings, we can touch as a way to see, or use other senses to see, and begin to understand our experience. We see images of life with our eyes, and see the power of God with our spiritual awareness.

We sometimes want others to see things our way. We inform them of what we see, and then encourage them to see things as we do. The changes in perspectives that we encourage from others, don't happen as we expect. Sometimes we are disappointed in their apparent resistance to change.

If we want others to change their view, we must change our view of them. We live in a positive universe. People are changing according to what makes sense for them, what they see as part of their experience. How we see them is based in part on how we see ourselves, and how connected we are to who we really are. Since we are all spiritual beings, our capacity to change is not only possible but likely, given our ever-growing desires for well-being. If we want to have followers, we can model for others who we really are, and speak from the heart; we can behave in ways that are consistent with what others can see in us.

As we change inwardly, we open up our eyes, our minds, our hearts and our spirit so that others can see us clearly. We can then be a presence in the lives of others through our authenticity, our realness of spirit. We can be models for others only when we have done the inside work that makes our deeds as spiritually grounded as our words. What is the model you offer to others?

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Absent and Wrong

" Those who are absent are always wrong." - Congo
I can have the best arguments with people who are not in the room. It sounds crazy, but the people who cannot defend their position or perspectives are usually absent, not available to object to my untested opinions. I can make the absent people very, very wrong. I then have an obligation to reach out to those whom I have made wrong in order to heal myself.
Sometimes those people made wrong have passed away, or moved away, or faded from our memory, but the impact on our well-being is strong.
The "absent ones" are not safe at work either. When work or personality styles collide, conflicts and blame games arise. Failing to confront those differences provides opportunities for camps to develop.
Religious, social, economic and political communities exacerbate tensions as they make "outsiders" wrong. The "wrong" ones are impure, unclean, unintelligent, misguided, and unfit. The "right" ones are those who agree with us, who look like us, who think as we do, who have had a similar life experience as ours. Judging and separation commit our life to one of limitations. When we fence others out, we fence ourselves in. When we pronounce others "wrong," we unintentionally make ourselves judges of lives that we have not created.
We have parts of our own life that we can honor. We can use those "honorable" parts as models of how life can be lived, thoughts can be thought, and love can be shown. By being clear as an example of the love we are, we can respect other spiritual beings as an extension of our spiritual family, and give up the illusion of separateness. We are never really alone; others in some way, are always with us. They in truth are never absent. What is the example you are setting?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Words to Overuse

" Quarrels end, but words once spoken never die." - Sierre Leone

Have you ever said something and then immediately regretted your words? Have you wished that you could somehow retract them? Vice President Biden's recent remarks about protecting oneself from contracting swine flu was one of his gaffes, coming from a place of fear.
When newspapers make mistakes, a correction is published in an obscure place that many readers may miss. But, the acknowledgement of the errors at least satisfies legal issues. Often readers continue to believe the erroneous information because they've missed the retraction, or they find the original information more plausible.
A major source of misconstrued words is the unfortunate use of humor. Satirists are particularly vulnerable to misinterpretation, as in the case of Steven Colbert, a political comedian who has managed to garner support from several political perspectives, because of his brilliant use of sarcasm. But, sarcasm carries an undeniably hostile component, and can be both instructive and destructive.
An antidote to regretted words, misstatements, gaffes and sarcastic jabs is "soft engagement." Words I try to overuse are "thank you, I appreciate..., all is well, I love..." Whenever I acknowledge another person or situation with my overused words, I experience the reflective joy of engagement. I am warmed by the contact that I make with another human being when my words come from a place of love and respect. What are the words that you overuse?

Thursday, April 30, 2009

This Little Light

" When the moon is not full, the stars shine more brightly." - Uganda
Much has been written about leadership. Many support a take charge approach where the main focus is creating opinionless followers who are so committed that they overwork for limited pay. But for many of these followers, the focus is to be recognized and appreciated for their contributions, so that they can realize their self-interests. Leaders are the "moons" that can choose to either flood the organization with their brilliance, or lower the wattage, so that other lights can be recognized. No moon is full all the time, unless it stands still, and refuses to grow or change. No moon divorces itself from different perspectives, or fails to show its craters. The stars are little moons, and appreciate the model that moons can offer, but know that their own brilliance can help to light the sky. What more can we learn from the moon and stars? In what ways do we shine each day? This little light of mine...I'm gonna' let it shine!

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

The Glass is Full

" A fool is thirsty in the midst of water." - Ethiopia

I still remember reading the mournful cry of the ancient mariner, who floated aimlessly on the sea, dying of thirst, "Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink." Sometimes the relief we seek is right under our noses, but we miss the opportunity to enjoy the resolution, because we are enjoying the struggle or lack or not-enoughness. Sometimes the form of the relief does not match our desires or our expectations, so we regard our life experiences as a glass half empty, or sometimes in our darkest moments, completely empty. Sometimes we see the glass as half full, and then we congratulate ourselves for being hopeful and persistent. What if all that we need is already in our view, and access to it is limited only by our thoughts? Would we then discover that the glass is always, always, always full?

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Appreciate Your Dance

" He who cannot dance will say " The drum is bad." - Ashanti
One of the four determinants of emotional intelligence is self-knowledge, but some of us lack the practice in developing it. I have often said that when I become excessively angry about something I'm usually wrong! In some way, I have overlooked my own errors or made excuses for them. Self-knowledge is freeing, because we can give up the idea of perfection, and choose something better. What could be better than perfection? The answer is innovation or surprise. A relationship becomes vibrant and energized by something new and different, while still acknowledging the partner's ritual behaviors. Self-knowledge helps us to develop our own dance, and then to love self because of all those graceful moves we can make! What do you appreciate about your own dance?

Monday, April 27, 2009

Look Before You Leap

" No one tests the depth of the river with both feet." - Ashanti
When we understand that all relationships are temporary (they have a beginning and an end), we can then appreciate tentativeness, paying attention to the boundaries of the relationship. Depth is a boundary that we sometimes explore more quickly than necessary, when in reality the breadth and flow of the relationship forecast the likelihood of happiness. Some of us place a toe into the relationship and run away if the water (relationship) is cold or even too warm. Some of us wade into the water, and get embarrassed when we're "hung out to dry."Some of us leap full steam into the water and nearly drown. When we test the waters slowly and deliberately, we can appreciate the nuances of connection that develop over time.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Community

" Rain does not fall on one roof alone." - Cameroon
A parking lot attendant gleefully retorted, "I am blessed and highly favored, " when I asked how she was doing. I recognize that response as one coming from someone who feels special in the eyes of God. But... she is not the only person who has this belief. The word "favored" is inherently competitive, implying that one person has something that another does not possess. Often that is true, since we have our own gifts. But, are some gifts better than others?
We are all part of a human community. The existence of joy and peace is unquestioned, and all within our community of humans have access to the happiness that joy brings. But.. even with ready access, we do not fully allow ourselves to bask in the feel of "the rain." When we choose to feel our own rain, and remain oblivious to the rain of others, we then try to "reign" over (obvious play on words) others, and then miss the opportunity to experience community - the lifeblood of human experience.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Hear No Evil

" A healthy ear can stand hearing sick words." - Senegal
There is more than enough bad news in the world right now, so watching TV should come with a warning - "viewer discretion advised." Yet, there is more good news that goes unreported than all the bad news we hear. But good news unfortunately does not sell products or gain our conditioned attention, unless the products that pay for the news programming promise that we will be changed by buying them.
When we turn our attention to the joy in the world, we start hearing about more of it. We develop a "healthy ear." Then, the "sick words" don't have the same affect on us, because we know that there is more to hear. We can put what we hear in perspective, and resist taking it into our soul.

Friday, April 24, 2009

What's the Hurry?

" A little rain each day will fill the rivers to overflowing." -Liberia
Before the recent economic downturn, many people seemed to be in a hurry. It seems that now people are moving more slowly. When we have a joyful relationship with another, everything seems to be upbeat and energetic; when trouble starts, our heart slows. What if we approached our lives and relationships with joy, because we would be confident in knowing that each day could be as fulfilling as the next? Perhaps we could savor the day, and stop rushing frenetically into the future. We would realize that everything just keeps getting better!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Projection

" One camel does not make fun of another camel's hump." - Guinea


Self-monitoring is the fastest way I know of managing projection, that nasty little defensive behavior that causes us to "project" onto others things we don't like or would rather not see about ourselves. Others become a convenient screen for our self-loathing.

Our behaviors change when we realize that we are projecting. After all, we are not that different as human beings. An ancient poet, Terence, is reported to have written, " I am a human being, nothing human is alien from me." We are all capable of negative behaviors or loving behaviors. We carry at least those two hungry aspects of ourselves - judging or loving. Which one are we feeding?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Timeless Change

"Everything has an end" - Tanzania "
Do a thing at its time, and peace follows it"- Mandinka

Time is an illusive concept. Do you ever wonder what life would be like if we did not have the concept of time? From our time-bound perspective, everthing has an end, even the moment "now" ends even as we recognize it. Does time control us? What is the right time for change? When should we slow the pace or abandon time constraints?