African Zen

Brothers and Sisters

2011-01-05T01:00:00.003-05:00

" Try this bracelet: If it fits you wear it; if it hurts you, throw it away even if it's shiny." -Kenya

Every new relationship is a dress rehearsal for the next one, a dance of spirits. Sometimes a relationship spins for a while in delirium like whirling dervishes, or sometimes it crashes and burns like fireflies to a flame. At the beginning, we are less ourselves and more future-directed as we question and explore, hope and dream. In many ways we are learning our own dance and stumbling along, sometimes allowing our fears to get us out of step.

The music we hear is our own longing to connect and the doubt that invades our heart. We have forgotten who we are. We have abandoned our birthright. We no longer hear the melody of our existence, the constant movement towards union with Spirit.

Each person we meet is not really a stranger who must meet some imagined criteria, but rather an opportunity to continue our evolutionary process as sentient beings. Because we emerge into this world as sons and daughters of Spirit, we are natural siblings. Yet, differences in how we see the world and regard each other can give us amnesia, causing us to forget who we are - loving spirits.

I am aware of countless times when I forgot that I was interacting with a spiritual sister or a brother. There have been shameless times when I pushed our shared origins aside and deluded myself into thinking that I had a better perspective than the other. There have been times when I gleefully tried on the shiny "bracelet" because the physical manifestation of the other took precedence over the other's spiritual essence. There have also been times when fears and memories have caused me to mistake one person for another, attaching attributes to others that they do not own. I have allowed my past to hijack the present moment and dull my spirit. Forgetting who I am, I have forsaken my core truth and shrouded my perspective with doubt and fear.

I have been encouraged to think that disagreement is hurtful and not the treasure that it truly is. Life's challenges are like muddy waters that create lotus flowers; the triumphant flowers are beautiful in part because of their beginnings.

In life, "the only way out is through"- through the hurt, the pain, the fear and the suffering. Allowing some hurts to hook deeply into my soul, I have tossed away the "bracelet" as simply a bad fit, forgetting the role my thoughts and fears played in the decision. The bracelet is a spiritual gift: an opportunity to live life fully and fearlessly, knowing that I am always in a powerful relationship with Spirit.

Relationships are opportunities to practice being good learners. Spirit models for us how to love, how to care. Spirit is present for us always, listening and responding to our thoughts and visions for our future. Entering our soft spots as well as our wounds, Spirit nurtures us with a steady flow of positive energy. Inside the vulnerability of our being, Spirit dwells softly and patiently, knowing the assurances we need to trust the essence of others. With Spirit as our model, we realize the power of Martin Buber's words, "All real living is meeting" and that there are no strangers in the universe, but simply brothers and sisters with whom we have not yet reunited.

This Life

2011-01-03T12:31:00.010-05:00

"Someone else's legs do you no good in traveling."- Nigeria

I realize that I have been an independent thinker and an independent woman for a very long time. The independent label is an easy description of a life lived mainly alone, existentially. It may be true that I can be "fiercely" independent, with my own ideas about actions that work for me. My flirtations with "counter dependency" have been an overreaction to attempts by others to exact control over my thoughts and actions. Just as I value and own my choices, so I defend the rights of others to choose their path to travel. My independence arises out of necessity, since someone else's legs have never walked in my moccasins. No sentient being lives my life but me. This existential aloneness is based in the experience of existing in this life as an unique individual. But there are limits to our uniqueness.

The label "independent" belies a central aspect of who I am, who we all are - spiritual beings. In spite of my independent thinking and action, my free will, I am also dramatically connected to everyone and everything in the universe. I cannot think without reference to something or someone else. Even the words I use to express myself have been taught to me, or I have been influenced by hearing or reading them. The food I eat was grown, cleaned, packaged or bundled by someone else, so that I could have nourishment. The home I live in was built, not by me, but by the sweat of someone else's brow. I work with others, play with others, reflect what is true for me and for others. I am both alone and inextricably connected to ancestors and progeny, philosophers and artists, musicians and craftsmen, believers and nonbelievers.

I am dependent upon the fish who give up their lives so that I may enjoy a dinner, or the vegetables that grow in soil aerated by earthworms, so that I may eat a healthy meal. When I eat, I do not do so independently, but in grateful appreciation for the connections.

When I had foot operations years ago, my cousin prepared food for me as I lay motionless in bed waiting for healing to slowly take hold. I embraced dependence. And when I slid precariously into a guardrail on a snow covered highway, and waited for eight hours to be "rescued" by a genial state trooper, I sighed and welcomed the dependence. Life experiences hurl me with great force into the humility of universal connection with All-There-Is.

Spirit exists as the Ultimate connection, the energy of all of our complex interdependencies. No matter how ardently I make my case for independence, or resist the influence of others on my actions or thoughts, I am rendered weak and aimless, if I do not mindfully acknowledge my connection with Spirit, and therefore all who exist in our universe. It is true that this is my life that I live, but I live it in relationship with Spirit and all the meaningful connections that shape my life and hold me gently in the web of being.

In the Trees

2011-01-01T11:02:00.007-05:00

" If you climb up a tree, you must climb down the same tree." - Sierre Leone

Several years ago, I visited the Smithsonian Asian Art Museum in Washington, DC to see an exhibit of Japanese artifacts on display in a magnificent exhibit. I was struck by the softness of the fabrics as well as the peacefulness of the calligraphy and meditative scenery. In striking juxtaposition to this peacefulness were the powerful Samurai swords and masterful images of strength and war. I felt at the time a naive sense of being on a rollercoaster, altering emotions of ups and downs, peace and war.

Years later I developed an understanding of the union of those opposites, and embraced the elegance of complementary forces - strength and softness, peace and war, challenge and opportunity, stillness and action. One is dependent on the existence of the other. There is softness in strength, peace even in war, always opportunities buried within challenges, and actions that emerge from stillness.

When I meditate, I embrace stillness in order to fully appreciate Spirit, and actively focus on my breathing and the present fleeting moment. Deep within meditation is perhaps the most active experience of my spirit, allowing me to be fully present and still at rest. Challenges in life have little power in my meditative state; they may intrude as passing thoughts, but quickly move on. Fears, if allowed to intrude, can interrupt my peacefulness, and plant seeds of doubt about my worthiness for a joyful life.

Throughout life, we climb into fear-filled trees that could cause us harm, but deep within those trees are passages to a greater understanding of our lives. The trees themselves are harmless, just as the samurai swords are harmless objects. Both the trees and the swords are mere illusionary artifacts of our lives, challenges that help us to hone our skills in buildng a life filled with loving spirit.
In our relationship with Spirit, we not only survive our challenges, we thrive as we emerge from them. I have come to understand that what goes up must come down; that I can be strong in the midst of challenges; and that sometimes the most active move for me is to be still.
I am not lost forever in the trees, inextricably bound to their limbs, but rather able simply to see what could be my next move from a different perspective. Spirit is with me no matter where I am, and through our powerful relationship, all is well - always.

Positive Aging

2010-10-16T12:03:00.000-04:00

"There is no medicine against old age "- Niger

Time passes, but the Spirit of the universe continues to respond lovingly to me and you, as we move together through our space in time. What does it really mean to age? Many of us struggle with what it means to grow older. To some aging means preparing to suffer. To others aging means gaining the wisdom of experience. For me, aging is an opportunity to deepen my relationship with Spirit, and to more and more recognize the energy of Spirit in the evolution of my life on earth. I am committed to paying attention moment by moment, instead of allowing days, even years to pass by largely unnoticed, while I allow myself to be distracted by illusions of control over life events.

Of course, I understand our concept of the passage of time, but what exactly is the aging process in the eyes of Spirit? Perhaps it is the continual becoming, the evolution of our moment by moment lives in our relationship with Spirit. What are we doing with that time - the moments, hours, days, weeks, and so on? Are we relishing the beauty of our days? Do we marvel at the changing of the seasons, the births of babies, the curiosity of toddlers, or the creations of music and arts, the abundance of the universe? Are we asleep as life passes or are we fully present for all its majesty? What can we say to our children that will leave them breathless with the expectation of life's next moments? Do we relive past thoughts in the hope that the past can change, or do we still ourselves in order to absorb the presence of Spirit? What is both our legacy and our present experience? More important than where we are headed in the unfolding of our lives is where are we in this moment?

In what ways are we kind to ourselves each moment as we influence our relationship with others? Spirit models for us how we can be kind to ourselves by being the love we are here to be, and sharing our loving selves with others. As Spirit moves through us and with us, is there a moment by moment relishing of the deliciousness of our relationship? Are we appreciating ourselves in this awesome spiritual relationship? Our greatest self-kindness could be our attention to the joy we experience right now. Others feel the infectiousness of our joy. They crave a way to experience life that releases the love within them. And, when others observe our joyfulness, they cannot help but want to experience that same loving power.

What's the value in regarding age positively, with joyous expectation? I recently read a eye-opening book by Barbara Frederickson, entitled Positivity. A renown researcher, Dr. Frederickson asserts that being positive can have powerful consequences. People who are positive in their thinking are more likely to experience happiness and influence the happiness of others. She also asserts that positivity can affect our health and well-being, but she warns us that false positivity, a non-genuine form of positive verbalizations that are out of sync with true feelings, can actually make us sick. Our genuine belief in the power of Spirit is the promise for positive outcomes. Being authentically positive can be a challenge for many of us, because we face daily challenges. Dr. Frederickson does not promise that positive thinking will render our lives devoid of challenges, but that we will be happier in spite of the challenges.

The subject of aging is a poignant opportunity to know without question that it is a positive opportunity, because the more we live the more we can be grateful for each evolving moment with Spirit.

I Agree

2010-09-20T08:43:00.002-04:00

" It is a bad child who does not take advice." - Ashanti

The concept of illness is seductive, particularly as we get older. During the past several months, some of my friends and family members have become ill or hospitalized. When someone I love becomes ill, I cruise through the stages of grieving - surprise, anger, rationalization and acceptance. I am surprised by the interruption of what I understand as the normal pattern of my life. Anger creeps in as I take up the mantle of indignation that someone I love and care for could suffer from physical pain. I then begin to rely on my thinking to manage my emotions, because the feelings are so intense.

Feelings of powerlessness and guilt, defenselessness or sheer terror can easily erode my own sense of well-being. I felt somewhat hopeful when I waited for 9 hours in a waiting room as my daughter underwent a liver transplant, but I felt a strange vulnerability when two dear friends passed away from cancer, a disease that took them away viciously. When I allowed myself to agree with illusions of ill-health, I disagreed with Spirit. I rejected the counsel of Spirit and the power of my relationship with All-That-Is.

I have actually always wanted to be a good child. I was often crushed emotionally when my parents had a different opinion of me, even for some minor offense. I wanted to agree with them, that I should change in some way, but my self-image and theirs were sometimes in conflict. As I grew older, I realized their wisdom on reflection, and agreed with their view of how I should behave, but I held onto a view of who I am at the core - a loving spirit. If we must change in order to be good, we have then been encouraged to think we are bad. When we agree with others who paint a picture of us as bad, we disagree with who we really are, we disagree with Spirit. When we see ourselves as loved and good, we strive to live up to that image. We are able to visualize a different future, one that Spirit already sees. We become an active player in our own future and truly believe in the power of our relationship with Spirit.

I visited a relative who was hospitalized after contracting a staph infection after surgery. In advance of my visit, I was told that he was a very sick man. When I saw him, nearly comatose in his hospital bed, connected to all the advances of modern technology, I agreed with Spirit. I saw him as well, laughing, with his closed eyes open, embracing the life that awaited him. I agreed with his core goodness, his loving spirit, his wholeness. He is now at home, growing stronger each day, growing toward the light of Spirit.

When I first saw my daughter hospitalized before her liver transplant, she was dangerously close to death's door. Spirit was there offering a different image of her. I agreed. Even through a series of rejection incidents, she continues to survive, with good humor.
When I recently received news that my older sister, who breathes with great difficulty as she lives with sarcoidosis, had fallen and was hospitalized, I slowly absorbed the shock as I drove for four hours to the hospital. Spirit was there offering a familiar image of her- spunky, determined, delightful and sweet. I saw her sitting up, smiling and healing. I agreed. My sister is now home from the hospital, stronger than when she entered.

Spirit is always there, reminding us of who we really are, and who we are becoming. I am a good child, a fleeting but awesome wave of the sea. When Spirit shows me a vision of the future, I do not linger with the present illusions, but trust in my relationship with Spirit. We are all good to the core, healthy, and experiencing abundant life. I agree with Spirit.

Always There, Always Here

2010-03-20T12:21:00.003-04:00

" When a needle falls into a deep well, many people will look into the well, but few will be ready to go down after it." - Guinea

When friends become depressed, it's uncomfortable to be with them. I don't know about you, but I sometimes want to run in the other direction, far from their low energy or agitation. I feel powerless to change a view of life they have constructed for themselves. I am then not surprised when, in my disappointment or frustration, I find myself sitting quietly alone, having from an energy standpoint invited others to leave me alone.
A good friend once said that "being alone is a choice." Sometimes that choice is a necessary one, but it depends upon the motivation for making the choice. There are times when intentionally being alone can be life-refueling. In the quiet aloneness, Spirit appears, vibrantly filling that empty place that is really a momentary disconnection from who I really am. Spirit offers me a view of life that is infused with continual joy and peace. As long as I am able to hold that view, I realize that life can be beautiful - a tapestry of ups and downs that keep me moving toward the best future that Spirit is creating. In the stillness, I can let go of the challenges I face, and feel the utter joy in just being. That joy positions me to appreciate the breath I breathe, and the relentless presence of Spirit in my life and breath. Spirit knows me and is not uncomfortable with the valleys of my life experience, but gives me a better view of the mountaintops.
I relaxed into the stillness this morning, and felt the soft patience of Spirit assuring me that all is well. I am now reminded that Spirit is always there, always here, always willing to "go down after me" even if I fall into the well, because my smallness in the universe does not render me invisible.

Almost

2010-01-11T08:25:00.000-05:00

" An eel that was not caught is as big as your thigh." - Madagascar

Andy Andrews, author of The Traveler's Gift, has written a book that contains a poignant statement, " The tragedy in life is not that man loses, but that he almost wins." At first I read the statement as an endorsement of persistence, but on second reflection I read it as a testimony for regrets. What exactly do we win in the course of our lives, and what keeps us from winning those things we "lose?"How do we report our "losses?" What motivates us to give greater power to what we might have achieved, or gained or "won" than what we currently have? What makes the "eel" that eluded us so large?

Our striving keeps us focused and alive, since death is surely the end of striving, but what is the quality of our journey in life, and what is the level of awareness of our present moment?
I recently attended a celebration of the life of one of my dearest friends. She was a jewel and an inspiration to so many people. I was stunned with her transition, and saddened by what I at first regarded as a truncated life. But she was such a winner! She won hearts and influenced lives, possessed life in every moment. She appreciated her relationship with Life and the genius of existence. She raised questions and learned as she taught others; she was so generous in spirit, so loving. Her life was larger than her death, which was a moment in time. In our relationship with Spirit, Life is huge and unending, while the transition from a physical existence to a non-physical one is a mere moment in time. The moment is an instance that does not disturb the nature of the relationship with Spirit, but matures it, like a new closeness, where winning or receiving is no longer important, because all is known, seen and complete.

Everyday that I live in relationship with Spirit is a win! Knowing that I am inextricably connected to Spirit makes my heart sing. I don't have to win or lose, but just be, just wallow in the joy of being in the eternal moment. My relationship with Spirit recasts the story of regrets. I know that my relationship is eternal, and that each experience in life is full and perfect, unfolding with purpose and love.
Celebrate the moments of being; whatever form we may take, our moments with Spirit will go on forever! There is no better way to win, and no greater story to tell.

Our Leviathans

2009-11-01T10:03:00.005-05:00

" A loose tooth will not rest until it is pulled out." - Ethiopia

I used to invest a good bit of energy into suffering- hanging onto thoughts that aroused anger, resentment and sorrow. I had several "teeth" that kept hanging on: lost loves, health challenges, financial woes, fractured friendships. I chattered and complained about the teeth, and assigned blame for their loss. I engaged in a kind of "dental anger," grinding and chewing on every bit of discontent about the looseness of the teeth and their eventual demise. I continually confused pain with suffering. Pain is powerful but temporary, while suffering is our chosen response to the pain in our lives. Pain wakes us up to the desire for pleasure and peacefulness; suffering like anesthesia, disconnects us from our awareness of Spirit and plunges us into a monstrous sea of troubles and tribulations.

I've come to realize that suffering is exhausting, but letting go of suffering is inevitable, because Spirit is moving toward a future that we desire, even though we may not recognize it. Even our monstrous, Leviathan suffering is like a loose tooth, ready to be pulled from the sea and vanquished. Spirit encourages us to stay out of the battle, to stop pushing against those elements of suffering in our lives, not because we are weak but rather because of the strength of our relationship to Spirit. Even as the pain in our lives continues relentlessly, we can forgo the suffering, and allow the "tooth" that we are hanging onto to leave. We can imagine that the force of the pain in our lives will yield in equal or greater measure, the pleasure of our freedom from pain. When the tooth is finally out, do we enjoy the absence of pain? Do we bask in the healing power of Spirit, or do we recount the struggle we have endured, or the remaining sadness in our lives? Our choice is to continue to connect with Spirit in our thinking, to enter the sea of life without fear of Leviathans, or to hang onto our powerless relationship with Suffering, and invite new Leviathans to emerge. We have countless opportunities to align our thinking with Love and let go of fear. We are whole and complete in the arms of Loving Spirit.

10,000 Hours

2009-10-24T01:52:00.001-04:00

"By trying often, the monkey learns to jump from a tree." - Cameroon

Malcolm Gladwell is a journalist I admire, because each of his books teaches me something about myself and others. His book, The Outliers, did not disappoint me, but did confirm dramatically what I suspected about practice and persistence. His 10,000 hour rule concept - it takes about 10,000 hours of practice/experience to become an expert - underscores the power of persistence. There are those of us who are persistent in learning a skill or taking action. We may spend hours studying or learning a skill with a particular goal in mind - a promotion, a new career opportunity, or another achievement. This achievement motivation is strong, driving us to win at all costs. What impresses me about the 10,000 hour rule is not so much the goal for each of the examples in Gladwell's book - Bill Gates, Michael Jordan, and others - but the joy that these outliers experienced during the unconscious accumulation of hours: trying often to jump or compute or read or write carries with it an intrinsic joy in trying. Even a monkey knows that mistakes are not personal failures but rather new information, and not a cause for fear or anxiety. The monkey's thrill in trying moves him ultimately toward new learning.

I have been trying to improve my writing. I know the techniques of writing, although I don't always follow that guidance! I enjoy reading well-written literary works as examples of excellent writing and look for literature that speaks to me in different ways. The styles and subjects vary from J. California Cooper's humor and life commentary to Nicolas Spark's love stories, from Marianne Williamson's visionary explorations to Octavia Butler's science fiction. I experience vicariously the joy of writing and the passion and compassion in the lines of Rumi's poetry or Howard Thurman's penetrating works. I wrap my mind around the deep philosophy of James Carse, Martin Buber or Eckhart Tolle, and the inspirations of the holy scriptures.

Spirit has prepared a buffet for me, filled with a delicious variety of tastes to sample along my journey. The hours pass by almost unnoticed as I enter a place that the brilliant Csikszentmihalyi calls flow, a timeless place where innovation and inspiration move effortlessly toward a new creation or impassioned work. Spirit is vivid in that place. There is no struggle, no fear, no self-recriminations, no insecurity - only love even rapture flooding my existence and underscoring my reason for being.

Everyone has the capacity to enter a state of flow because Spirit is present for all of us. If I am still I can feel the inevitable movement of Spirit. If we acknowledge the power of our relationship with Spirit, and open our hearts so that Spirit can flow, we will learn to trust in our relationship with Spirit and experience the treasures that await us on the remarkable journey toward wholeness.

Worry Free

2009-10-20T10:55:00.004-04:00

" It is best to bind up a finger before it is cut." - Lesotho

Depending upon what we value and sometimes how and where we grew up, we develop a sense of our relative safety. I have friends and family members who worry about their home and personal safety. Their homes are shuttered and locked, barring the entry of unwanted intruders. Their possessions are "bound up, anticipating a cut." If the cut never occurs, the explanation is that the binding was secure. I have a different experience, based a value I hold; I must set aside all worries and fears in order to live my life fully.
I choose to use my imagination to envision safety for myself. Sometimes my imagined safety is in direct contrast to the values that others hold. When I focus my attention and imagination on the lack of safety, I open myself to a lack of safety. When I imagine myself as free and loving, my experience is joy. I choose joy over fear.
Recently, I purchased a home and decided to install a security system, in order to legitimize the discount I received on my home owner's insurance, which encouraged home monitoring. Even though I now have a security system installed, I must admit I don't focus much attention on it; the remote arming/disarming device is of course fun to play with!
When the security system installers arrived, a fast-talking salesman/installer decided that my security required a number of extraneous items. He delivered his sales pitch with much drama, citing my travel, access to the property through windows and doors and the inadequacy of the ancient system that was currently in place. The overworked imagination of the salesman left me with a feeling of vulnerability - for a moment.
Then, I remembered who I am and my relationship with Spirit. I recalled years and years of travel and home ownership with no worry for my safety. I remembered traveling to small towns and big cities without incident. I remembered a recent incident when I was stranded on a highway for eight hours with no fear. I realized that the fear I sometimes allow myself to experience is based on an existential image of myself as alone in the world. I am reminded each day that I am never alone. I cherish my relationship with Spirit not so much out of a desire for protection, but rather for the joy of the relationship!
Even in our darkest hour, the light of Love is always present to guide us. Even when people come into our lives, who have chosen to live their lives oblivious to their connection to Universal Power, the brilliance of our Spiritual relationship shines as a clear example of our potentiality as human spirits. We are in this life to live it fully and freely, ever expanding our joyous experience of love and peace. Worry not about security - be open to Love.

Old Drama

2009-09-25T01:49:00.000-04:00

" You cannot shave a man's head in his absence." - Niger

I realized several years ago that I am the central actor in my life's drama. If I'm not present for my life events, nothing happens. My perception or view of my life is critical to the unfolding of experiences, including challenges I face. But sometimes the attention I pay to specific life events can turn into a repetitious thought about something that's not working for me. My stage play becomes a nightly drama, droning on with the same lines, without noticing that the set has changed, even slightly, and that the time has come for the tragic play to end. I have no room in my thoughts for a new play, while I repeat the lines of the old play.
I discovered one day that I can remove myself from this treadmill style of living by orchestrating a distraction, a thought distraction. I remove myself physically from the "stage" so that my "head will not be shaved" by the negativity of the play I am creating. I do not run away from the challenges in my life, but rather I change the scenery a bit, so that I can think differently about my life.
Recently, I allowed myself to get stuck in a drama about purchasing a home. The daily lines of the drama were delays and technical issues on the lender's end.
I was immobilized by the repetitiveness of the drama, but then I decided as a distraction, to go to see a new movie, a thoughtful comedy, and the lines of my play changed. Belly laughs of humor distracted me from the droning lines of my "when will I close on my home" play. I reconnected with the lightness of being and the levity of life. I allowed the love that I came to this world to be to take a leading role in my play, and felt the Spirit in my life. The next day, the lender's issue was cleared and closing is now a reality.
What is interesting to me about our life's dramas is that they are based on old news. We read lines that were drafted some time ago, while the present eludes us. We dig up old fears and failures and create a wonderful melodrama.
There is a way that we can live our lives being fully present in the moment. We can brush off the illusions of the day, and bask in the love we find in each moment. Spirit is alive in the love we feel, and the freedom from fear we can enjoy. If then we choose to get our head shaved, because it feels good, we can do so with confidence, because our perspective on head-shaving is based on paying attention to what we want in that moment, and not what we do not want.

Forgiveness

2009-09-23T01:13:00.001-04:00

" A loose tooth will not rest until it is pulled out." - Ethiopia

For most of us humans, unfinished business is the source of pain, suffering or intense desires. I've wanted to travel to Greece and the Far East for many years, so the desire remains unfinished business. I have a book to write, and as long as it is incomplete, the ogre of unfinished business looms in my life. But these examples of unfinished business are only half the story. There are experiences in our past that are also unfinished. A mistake we made 10 years ago can creep into our present experience and taint our thoughts. An impassioned sentiment can "come back to haunt us" as people with a grudge hold us accountable for past mistakes, statements or indiscretions.

The whole story of unfinished business is one with the absence of forgiveness in the central role - self-forgiveness and forgiveness of others. I use to own a cynical button that simply stated, "Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names." The statement is fraught with difficulties. It suggests that we establish a bond with others based on a disagreement or painful encounter. Spirit reminds us that love is the powerful bond available to us. Spirit models for us the true nature of forgiveness. When we are in a state of forgiving love, there are no enemies, only those with different ideas, desires or intentions. We give up the need to push against them, and like skillful masters of martial arts, we flow with the energy and power of love, allowing others to be who they are, and knowing that all power is inextricably linked to Spirit. When we release our tight hold on blame and separateness, we move into the softness of love and light. We do not then frustrate our own intentions and desires with the negative energy of unfinished business. We can then rid ourselves of the "loose teeth" that long to be pulled out of our awareness, so that we can continue to enjoy the life that we are creating with Spirit, untethered by pain, suffering and sadness. The recipe for forgiveness: Be the love you seek and love who you are.

Patience, Patience

2009-09-18T01:13:00.000-04:00

" If one is not in a hurry, even an egg will start walking." - Ethiopia

A few years ago, I served on the doctoral committee of a student who grew up in Nigeria. He complimented me one day about my patience, and told me that he wanted to give me a name that described me fully. The name is Ndidi, a name I use for my blog. Ndidi, according to the student, means one who is patient. Quite frankly, I have been trying to live up to the name Ndidi since the day he characterized me as patient. Recently, that character trait has been tested, but even when I momentarily get impatient, I remember that the creative intelligence of the universe, Spirit, is moving me closer and closer to what is best for me and all others. Sometimes moving in the direction of our best future seems like a struggle, but it is so only if we think of it as an insurmountable obstacle. Struggle is a faith-less movement against an ocean of well-being. The strong waves of well-being lash against the shores of our life story if we choose to push against them. Instead, we can move with the energy of well-being, flowing effortlessly, unencumbered by fear. Our fears of success or abundance may cause us to see the flood of good as challenging or out of our control. We know from experience that new successes bring with them new challenges as we continue the adventure that is our life story, so we reluctantly let go. What we let go of is our dependence on time- each event in our life has its own time. The time of an event in our life is the point at which we experience such joy that our thoughts are filled with appreciation and exhilaration, and the love that we are floods our existence. When we ride the waves of faith, thrilled with the presence of Spirit in our life, and soaked in the knowing that all is well, always, we release all fears and worries, and walk confidently into the light of our future.

No Matter

2009-09-14T01:52:00.000-04:00

"When one is in trouble, one remembers God." -Nigeria

There are times when the number of unfortunate events that come into our reality are overwhelming. My mother use to say, " God knows how much we can bear." What has always been curious to me is the overwhelming acknowledgement of Spirit during hard times. But Spirit is always present, never simply choosing to appear when all seems right in the world. No matter how hard we try to create challenges for ourselves, Spirit moves lovingly in the direction of our best future. The movement is swift, often faster than we can imagine or prepare for, so we don't always realize that the peace and love we desire lies in our present moment.
We ask for relief from life's sorrows and before our tear-stained faces dry, Spirit has prepared a place of peace and grace for us. We ask for relief from physical and emotional pain, and just as we raise our hands in frustrated surrender, Spirit soothes our deep hurts so that our bodies and thoughts can begin to welcome in the inevitable healing. We ask for forgiveness with small, fearful voices, because we have learned that there are consequences for our choices, and our unwavering Spirit opens our eyes to new choices.
As Spirit works unceasingly on our behalf, we also know that there is a part for us to play. If we choose to meet Spirit on the road to our future, we must appreciate the present moment, find all that is good, all that is God, right now in every moment of our lives. There may be rocks in our path: pain may race through our bodies, sadness may slow the pace of our day, financial worries may distract us from the steady flow of abundance all around us, and other fears may overtake us like greedy ogres. Spirit is the shepherd through the myriad obstacles that position themselves defiantly on the road. No matter how steep, narrow or fraught with stumbling blocks that road may be, Spirit is always there. We must only look within us for the power to keep moving in step with Spirit. Know that Spirit lives with us always.

We Chose

2009-09-06T01:18:00.001-04:00

" A white dog does not bite another white dog." -Kenya

I read a rather interesting article in Newsweek about the racial attitudes of young children. Not surprisingly, the researchers seemed hopeful that integration would have cleared this up after years of diversity work and integrating schools. The problem it seems is that no one wants to "really" talk about race, so young children just reach their own conclusions in the absent of anything clear. Well-meaning parents in the study coach children to see everyone as equal, even though children may not understand what "equal" really means. In-group superiority tendencies of children and adults underscore the intractability of racial attitudes. But not all groups receive reinforcement for their in-group beliefs, so divisions persist.
As I took in this information and found it not particularly surprising, I began to think about how we came to "show up" on this planet in these bodies. What if we chose to show up this way? What if Spirit supported us, encouraged us to appear as we do, so that we could experience a world of diversity, and explore what it means to be connected to others, or to feel compassion?
What if we truly believed that each of us is a child of Spirit, and that our disconnection from others is a disconnection from our spiritual family? What if we understood that appearances are illusions, and that within us exists a power that supercedes our outer skin or bodies? What if our choices were based on soft premises, and the insularity of our social groupings are just ways that we think we must protect ourselves from isolation and loneliness?
What if we chose to be here, and no matter what outer clothing we wear, Spirit lives within us, asserting our worth in the most powerful relationship in all the universe?

In My Moccasins

2009-08-30T13:17:00.001-04:00

" Only when you have crossed the river, can you say the crocodile has a lump on his snout." - Ashanti

Whenever I say, "I understand," I am saying that I stand with you and support you as if I am standing under you. The words are so powerful that I choose to use them sparingly. As a facilitator of communications workshops, I teach others in part to reflect an understanding of the words and feelings of people with whom they converse. I am a bit suspicious of those who claim to understand how I feel, but rather welcome conversations with those who tell me their own story, because unless you have " walked a mile in my moccasins," as some Native Americans have said, the likelihood of authentic conversation is minimized. Conversation can be replete with promises and pretense, even though there is little understanding, because the rivers we cross are different, fashioned out of our particular life experience.
Even though the form of our shared stories may be similar, the substance of our crossings always requires that we get a bit wet, and the process of crossing can seem long and troubled. If we have the sense that we are drowning, victimized by the hurt and angry rumblings of the river, we lose our way and in the process lose the faith in our connection with Spirit. We may even believe that the crocodile is king of the river, and forget that the crocodile is an illusion we have created to carry our intense fears.
Spirit is the water, carrying us to new beginnings, healing our hurts and heart, encouraging us to keep moving with the unconditional love that has never left our side. We cannot fail to cross the rivers of our life because Spirit understands.

Never Poor

2009-08-26T01:04:00.000-04:00

" Being well-dressed does not prevent one from being poor." - Congo

A well-known Boston Celtics basketball player, Bill Russell, reflected on his early life saying, "Our family was never really poor, we were just broke a lot." Whenever I hear that statement repeated, my first reaction is to smile, because I understand at a profound level that poverty is less related to cash flow than spiritual flow. To me, poverty is stuck-ness, a disconnection with our spiritual power and a concentration on feelings of lack. Poverty feels desperate and unstable, and brings up issues of fairness and wanting. Poverty is well dressed in doubt and fear, and accessorized with anger and frustration. Undressed, poverty is diminished loving spirit, giving license to limited hope and an overabundance of despair.
We cannot possibly ever be poor! We exist in the midst of abundance, but we must recognize how abundance appears to us, and then find ways to appreciate it. I appreciate the continual movement of Spirit on my behalf, while attending lovingly to everyone else! That's rich. I appreciate the natural world that provides abundant resources to sustain me and all others. That's plentiful. I appreciate the caring of friends and family members who actually want me to be happy and experience joy. That's priceless. I appreciate the strength of my breath in and out, and the ability to walk briskly when a few months ago that was not possible. That's Spirit.

Awakening

2009-08-25T01:58:00.000-04:00

" The opportunity that God sends does not wake up he who is asleep." - Senegal

A wealthy man slipped a one thousand dollar bill into the pocket of a young boy begging for food on the street. His hunger increased because of the meager donations from passersby. He did not discover the one thousand dollar bill in his pocket until he was hospitalized and the nurse exchanged his trousers for a hospital gown.
Spirit continuously responds to our wants and needs, but we continue to beg for them, unaware that our best future is already available to us. We must simply discover it within our hearts and thoughts. We can decide to be awake and alive in each moment, become comfortable with who we are, and know that we always have what we need.

Keeping Up Appearances

2009-08-24T01:05:00.000-04:00

"The teeth are smiling, but is the heart? " - The Congo

I'm a fan of British humor, especially a show, now in reruns, called "Keeping Up Appearances." I recently watched an episode with my sister, who is house-bound with a breathing disorder. In spite of her difficulty breathing and moving around, she was able to laugh heartily at an episode about sailing. The lead character is a marvelous actor who goes to ridiculous lengths to portray herself as having social status and resources she does not possess. Her hapless husband tries to accommodate her pretenses by participating in her social deceptions. Both characters are afraid - of being less than acceptable. We laugh because some of their behaviors seem familiar; we recognize that fearful place that beckons to us from time to time.
There is a face that we show to others that does not readily express our heart's longings. There is a spoken voice that clearly articulates our views, while our inner voice quivers with suffering. Our peaceful, happy exterior packages a stormy interior, filled with doubts and fears. When we suffer, we have disconnected from who we really are, powerful spirits. Our hearts then long for a reconnection with Spirit so that we may once again lose the sense of unprotected loneliness and bask in the love that brings us peace.
In the midst of the angst that we experience, sits an extraordinary power that helps us to align who we are inside with what we portray outside. The story of our lives, the "outwardness" of existence, is a continual series of joyful chapters, when we have done the inner work of alignment with Spirit. Alignment occurs when we recognize our relationship as a given, appreciate the joy in each moment, and begin to imagine our best future. Spirit listens to our heart's longings and does not get distracted by appearances. There is nothing, absolutely nothing, that we can ask for that will not begin the loving movement of Spirit in response. Spirit manages the complexity of the universe and is not daunted by our prayers.
Knowing this power causes us to give up appearances and replace them with truth. This knowing-ness is evidence-based; we have survived and thrived in the past, although the universe does not measure its movement through time. The only real time is now! When we change our thoughts, we change our reality. When we rise out of our fears and doubts, we heal.

Always Enough

2009-08-22T01:31:00.001-04:00

" A borrowed fiddle does not finish a tune." - Zimbabwe

In part, Shakespeare was correct - "Neither borrower nor lender be, for loan oft loses both itself and friend." I've lent money to friends only three times during my life, but I have given away plenty. When I make a gift of money I release any anxiety or expectation of repayment. The trouble with lending is the implicit agreement that gratitude will be a normal consequence, but in an entitlement-focused world, gratitude is a scarce commodity.
I have borrowed money only twice, from a friend and then a family member; the shame of needing money at those times has been far more damaging to my faith than the need itself. I don't like being in debt to anyone, even though indebtedness is a fact of life for most of us. The trouble with borrowing is yielding to a belief in scarcity rather than abundance. Aside from the possibility that a friendship could be lost or money could never be repaid, borrowing money has another consequence - it is never enough.
With a scarcity mentality, we can descend into an abyss. Scarcity plants the seeds for war and violence and conflict. It is based in a strong fear of loss - of self. When our thinking focuses on the lack of anything, we will experience more and more lack, but when we acknowledge our connection with Spirit, abundance flows toward us, creating a fresh sense of our future. There is no lack of health, wealth or love, except for that which we borrow from our doubts and worry.
When we acknowledge our spiritual being-ness, we know that we are enough, and that Spirit will respond lovingly to our passionate requests. Spirit invites us not only to lean on the energy of universal intelligence as we journey through life, but to lean into our universal abundance and feel the power and joy of living!

Our Relationship

2009-08-21T01:50:00.000-04:00

" Marriage is not a fast knot, but a slip knot." - Madagascar

You've heard the bad news before: Nearly 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Where can we turn to find a relationship that is sustainable and reliable? A newly married couple sought guidance from a wise woman about how to have a long and happy relationship. The response: find something outside of your relationship to love together. For many couples, that something is children, an extension of self. In spite of this counsel, many relationships end, as attachments and differing expectations cause people to either try to tighten their attachment to one another, or accommodate some slippage, only to find the relationship strained by the tension of misunderstanding and misalignment.
A fast knot in the relationship makes demands on time, energy and responsibilities. It falsely expects people to deliver a definite response to requests. A slip knot is another kind of attachment that tightens whenever tension is applied. It falsely expects that unexpressed desires will be fulfilled and that communicating with the beloved is unnecessary. Whether we are joined in a fast knot or a slip knot, the relationship is continually developing a depository of experiences that are based on a system of desires, expectations, agreements and rewards.

We have available to us a model of relationship - our relationship with Spirit. It is a powerful relationship with a long history. There is no possibility of divorce, even if we choose to deny the relationship. Love is always present in the relationship, making loneliness, a difficult past, or worry about the future unnecessary, since such concerns are based in fear. There is a long-standing understanding that we have always been in a meaningful relationship, built on faith and knowing. Our union with Spirit is both shared with others and special to us, so we are encouraged to release any tendency toward envy or jealousy of others, because our own needs are always met. We communicate regularly with each other - in silent prayer or meditation, and enjoy the abundance of life. We are patient in our waiting for desires to become realities, because we continually have living proof that Spirit always moves toward our best future. We trust in our relationship because we trust in ourselves. We know without any shred of doubt that all is well because we are loved, always.

Learning From Choices

2009-08-16T01:22:00.001-04:00

" The dog I bought, bit me; the fire I kindled, burned me." - Ethiopia

Whenever I have decided to blame someone or something for my life challenges, one thought surfaces for me: I always bear some responsibility for what happens to me. But I must be careful to differentiate responsibility from self-blame. When I recognize my responsibility for something that happens to me, I realize that I made certain choices, based on what seemed right at the moment, with results of those choices being not what I expected. I bear responsibility for the choices. Recently, I placed an offer on a house for purchase. I liked the house for many reasons, and I overruled my internal, emotional meter that felt some discomfort around the choice. I told myself that I could make the house work for me, even though it was not exactly what I wanted. Always accurate, my emotional meter warned me that my euphoria about certain aspects of the house would be outweighed by other factors. I have responsibility for the shadowed choice that ended badly.
I do however shun the idea of self-blame, because the adversity that I have faced throughout my life has only served to strengthen and clarify my choices and desires. I forgive myself for my part in the drama that unfolds after an unfortunate decision, but I celebrate the clarity that emerges from the consequences of those choices.
Spirit walks with me even as I turn down paths that take me away from what I truly want. Patiently supporting me as I ask for guidance, Spirit encourages me to make friends with all my choices, and to benefit from the feedback from unfortunate ones.

Appearances as Illusions

2009-07-31T02:23:00.001-04:00

"The most beautiful fig may contain a worm." - Zulu

Roses are my favorite flowers, but they have dangerous thorns that always cause me to handle them with care. So it is with the illusions of life. What sometimes seems so beautiful to us can contain a "worm" or dangerous thorns. Hidden from our view in many cases are the "slings and arrows of outrageous fortune," so if we rely solely on appearances, we can lose our way and our connection to Spirit.
There is another way that we can be in the world of appearances and thrive. We have powerful emotional meters that gauge our closeness or distance from who we really are. If we pay attention to our internal meter, we can emerge from the rose bushes unscratched, and eat with full confidence at life's table. Our ego wants us to show our power by overcoming the wounds from the roses of life, or fighting back when we are hurt. When we are being the loving spirit that we are at our core, there is no need for a battle or a push back, because Spirit is listening and knowing what must be done. Peacefulness comes from knowing that Spirit is moving toward our best future, and the appearances along the way are illusions, fleeting stumbles that invite us to be clear about who we are, what we want and where we want to be. Spirit listens to our emotions, our heart, and responds with a complex series of movements. To Spirit, managing the challenges that seem to get in the way of our chosen future is as easy as creating a rose.

Stretching

2009-07-27T01:42:00.002-04:00

" The frog wanted to be as big as the elephant, and burst." - Ethiopia

From time to time when I'm working with a client group to do strategic planning, we engage in a visioning exercise to imagine possible futures for the company. I am frequently faced with a dilemma: on the one hand, I want the group to release all constraints on their thinking, so that ultimately they will arrive at a vision that will move the organization forward, but on the other hand, their unrestrained imaginations can yield a vision that is organizationally unrealistic, causing leaders to dismiss the exercise as mere fantasy. Managing that dilemma can often become the key to the organization's future. Questions arise: What do we want? How shall we grow? What do we want to accomplish?
In nonprofit organizations, the vision for the clients can be in direct conflict with the organization's aim. Agencies want to grow in size, citing the need to respond to greater numbers of people, but their vision for the population they serve is to remove the need: nonprofits see the need growing, depend on the growth in need for their existence, and at the same time want it to disappear. Questions arise: What is our purpose? What do we want to accomplish? How can we survive or grow?
As spiritual beings, we continually envision our own future. Every challenge we face forces us to envision a better experience. Unlike organizations, our visions are never unrealistic, as long as we believe in our relationship with Spirit. Without realizing the strength of our inevitable relationship with Spirit, we may believe that our work is to push against those forces that seem to get in the way of our doing good work or living a good life.
Our spiritual lives flow toward joy and well-being; we have no need to be against anything. So much of our life's energy is spent protesting, resisting and countering others, or blaming situations we have co-created. Whenever I use my energy to resist, I invite more of what I am resisting. But when I turn my attention to joy, I can feel my movement toward something greater, something more powerful, something bigger. What makes this movement more exciting is that I don't have to stretch myself or stress myself in order to experience it. I just have to know that Spirit is All-There-Is and be the love that I am, growing in the power of Spirit.

A Spiritual House

2009-07-26T01:27:00.000-04:00

" You cannot build a house for last year's summer." - Ethiopia

When I moved to Atlanta several years ago, my cousin assured me that Atlanta had four distinct seasons, not the one - hot- that many people assume is the constant temperature. Still prepared to enjoy the warmth of the southeast, I was shocked when my first winter was so cold! Our expectations about what we will experience can be so different from the reality of our experience. Just as our perceived future can defy our expectations, our perceptions of our past can thwart our future.

If we choose to keep living the past over and over again, we become oblivious to the changing of the seasons, and "build our house" on the basis of illusions. Reliving the past in our mind is a way to ensure suffering, to punish ourselves for missteps, mistakes and missed opportunities.

The words " if only" become more of our constant refrain than "I chose to" when we recount events of the past. Someone once shared with me that "when a series of unfortunate events occur in my life, one person is present in every event - me." He realized that he needed to take responsibility for choices he had made, but also what he had become in the process of making those choices. The "if only" recounts of the past tell a different story: we back ourselves into a corner and fantasize about how we and others could have acted differently. From that compromised position, we try to imagine a different past in the hopes that it will change our future. Since we see the past as unchangeable, we become frustrated with trying to change it, and then become obsessed with what we perceive to be impossible. Our egos commit us to constant repetition of things past with the hope that something will change. Obscured in all our fantasizing and recounting is the possibility of a full appreciation of our present moment. Each moment marches by as we invest our precious energy in recriminations of the past.

In the present, we build a spiritual house that endures all seasons, because in our spiritual house the past, present and future converge into the oneness of the universe. In our spiritual house, time is eternal, there are no mistakes, and there are no regrets. We embrace each new moment like the joy of spring, the light of summer, the fragrances of fall and the coolness of winter. We move effortlessly through our series of "right now's." Spirit lives powerfully in the present moment with us. Spirit is what we seek. Be in the now and build a house for all seasons!

Knowing Safety

2009-07-24T08:46:00.005-04:00

" The dog's bark is not might, but fright." - Liberia

Startled by a sudden sound, my small dog pops up from his slumber and stands at alert. If the sounds becomes more pronounced, he will very likely bark, sounding the alarm. He is frightened for himself and for me. When there is the perception of attack or impending harm, a basic instinct can lead us to self-protection. But we can rarely protect ourselves fully, since the physical and emotional fences that we construct simply make us more of a target. Some would say we would then attract more and more resistance, creating an endless cycle of negative expectations, fearful responses and retaliation. Such a nonproductive cycle is human-made, based on a sense of threat and vulnerability. Much of this response is based on the belief that we can control others, or at least control their aggression or future expected attacks.

An alternative approach to life is to know that Spirit is always present, and that safety is merely a human concern, because we are powerful, eternal beings, in relationship with All-There-Is. Throughout my career as a consultant, I have traveled to small towns and large urban areas for work. I have expected to be safe, because Spirit has accompanied me on my various trips. On those occasions, when I have allowed my spirit to engage with negative expectations, I have experienced challenges. I believe that if we don't expect to be respected, we will not be respected as connected spiritual beings. If we expect to be unsafe, we have announced our vulnerability. If we think thoughts that elevate our "threat level" then we focus our attention on falsehoods. Spirit is with us always; we alone choose to invite in the strangeness of vulnerability. In the midst of chaos, as we witness destruction or conflict all around us, we can go to a place of peace and love. Covered warmly with the blanket of peacefulness, we become who we really are, agents of love and forgiveness. When we know that peaceful place in union with Spirit, we can return at any time, in any situation. And when we return, our world is transformed. I often say that everything always works out in my best interest, especially when I spend my days appreciating and loving my life as it is right now.

Entanglements

2009-07-19T08:14:00.003-04:00

"When the vine entwines your roof, it is time to cut it down." - Cameroon

Kudzu is a prolific plant in Georgia. It covers trees and bushes with a voracious appetite, feeding off the bark and substance of its hosts. When I first came to the state, I considered the sprawling vines beautiful, but when I came to understand their raison d'etre I retracted my initial enthusiasm. Beneath the vines lurk snakes and other creatures hid from the view of an admirer. Before I had a full understanding of both the form and substance of kudzu, I focused entirely on its wanton beauty. With additional information, I now see its removal from fields, trees and houses as a positive move.
There are vines that creep dangerously into our lives, first appearing harmless, even beautiful, but without a full understanding of the deep purpose of its growth, we may miss the opportunity to remove it. Fear, self-loathing, and despair are powerful vines that separate us from who we really are. Fear grips us by the throat and suffocates our belief in love and goodness. Self-loathing overtakes our reasoning and makes us look beyond who we are in search of a better image, when who we are surpasses our limited imagination. We are more than what we see in our mirrors. Despair smothers our hopefulness and clarity, rendering us captives of depression and a sense of powerlessness. What lies beneath these life vines is a line line, if we stop to notice it. My life line gives me a reason to cut away from the negativity that is so self-destructive. Waiting for me when I choose to get rid of the vines is the peacefulness of Spirit. I will paraphrase what someone once said, " Peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, hard work or encroaching life vines, it means to be in the midst of those things, and choose to be still and know that Spirit is present."

Heart Listening

2009-07-17T07:46:00.010-04:00

"Talking with one another is loving one another." - Kenya

Cell phones have become a major means of communication these days. A few weeks ago, I left my home, arrived at my car door, and realized that I did not have my cell phone in my purse, when I took out my car keys. I promptly turned around, went back into my home to retrieve the phone, before taking off hurriedly to make to a business meeting. The phone has become a way to stay connected, a convenience I am unwilling to give up. What's interesting to me on reflection is that I don't use my cell phone continually when I am away from home, but I want to have it nearby. I want to be able to call, to leave a message, or to get a response from someone I may call.
I used to lament the loss of face to face communication because of the proliferation of cell phones, but now I see the phones as a way to listen as well as speak. Whenever I facilitate a communications workshop with leaders, I focus on refining listening skills; without a visual stimulus on a cell phone, a person is left with listening skills alone to communicate. Smart phones allow a cell phone user to upload a picture of the person called, to provide a visual reminder and identification of friends and colleagues, but without the face to face contact with nonverbal content, what we hear is what we respond to.
In our relationships with one another, we express love when we listen deeply to what another is saying and feeling. Heart listening emerges from authentic presence, a nonjudgmental openness to another; when we listen with our hearts, we are listening with compassion. We are loving spirits who in turning to one another with compassion, self-forgiveness and love, fully express the spirit within us.
Spirit models for us how we may listen. Whenever we call out, the omnipresent Spirit listens. We may choose to leave a message, a prayer, or an expression of appreciation with the knowing that there will be a loving response. We are never ignored, abandoned or misunderstood, because Spirit knows who we are, listens joyfully to our heart, and assures us that all is well, always.
When we feel listened to, it's as if we have heard ourselves more fully; our still, small voice within then loves who we are and celebrates who we have become. And, when we compassionately listen to others, we express the love that we are and affirm our connection to the Spirit within us.

Religious Siblings

2009-07-16T04:43:00.001-04:00

"Children of the same mother do not always agree." - Nigeria

Any student of comparative religions will discover similarities as well as differences among the world's largest religions. Each has a male prophet who is considered divine, with an ancillary or invisible presence of women in leadership roles. Each divine leader comes to the world to shed light on the challenges of the day, and to teach those who follow what is available to them if they ascribe to certain beliefs and behaviors. Each espouses beliefs in the righteousness of its doctrines and readily excludes those who disagree. Each belief system is laced with hope, love, faith and joy, but each at some time in its history has broken into sects or divisions as leaders vie for power and spiritual authority.
Spirit creates no such boundaries; All-That-Is moves above the fray. Spirit models for us what loving spirit is in our lives. We humans are religious siblings who don't always agree, but who come from the same Loving Mother. The concept of mother has archetypal roots: mothers are nurturing, soft, inner-focused, protective of their young, gatherers, givers of life. On the other hand, the concept of father is protective of the family, hard, outer-focused, providers of food, hunters. Our disagreements are in part based on the archetypal patterns of behavior that direct our beliefs about who we are.
Spirit shows us how to be with one another, not so much as separate beings, vying for power or significance, but as siblings, knowing the truth of our connection. As I have grown older I espouse the view that "there are no strangers, only people I have not yet met." When we separate ourselves for whatever reason, we create strangers and outsiders. No one exists outside of the house of Spirit. There is no one who is not related to Spirit, even though we as humans may view others who disagree with us as unworthy.
I have come to believe that I do not need to agree with my spiritual siblings, because that would imply that I or they have the complete truth, but rather I believe that I have my truth, a relationship with Spirit that leaves me no option except loving spirit. I know with humility that I am loved and with that knowing, I am a full member of my spiritual family.

Looking Back, Moving On

2009-07-14T07:16:00.000-04:00

" Wood already touched by fire is not hard to set alight." -Ashanti

A mythic bird called a Sankofa is a powerful teacher about how to make use of past experience. The bird walks or flies forward with an egg symbolizing the future in its mouth, while it looks back over its shoulder. The meaning of the Adinkra symbol, Sankofa, is translated as " It is not taboo to go back and fetch what you forgot."
Looking more deeply into that meaning than what the words express, we understand that gathering the best of our past, going back to our roots, is often what powers us forward. The fire that has touched us is our emotional and spiritual experience; we can reclaim the positive past to embolden us to embrace the future.
If our remembrances of past experiences leave us stuck, resentful or anxious, we have brought into the peacefulness of the present those memories of how we felt about our negative past, and have chosen to relive the events as if repetition would somehow change our feeling about the outcome. Without the means to control the negative events of the past, we are left with feelings of powerlessness, shame or fear.
But our present moment is wholly within our control, particularly in how we think about right now. We hold the egg, the potential for our future in our hearts, and can in any new moment fly effortlessly into our future. If we gather the best memories of the past, we are spiritually empowered in the present.
Memories are powerful illusions that we can choose to embrace or ignore. What we choose to embrace colors the present moment and informs our future. I have pictures of my mother and father hanging on the wall of my office. When I gaze at them, I am warmed by their soft eyes gazing back at me. If I linger for a while in reflection on my life before their transitions, a smile gathers on my face and I feel closeness with the spirit within me.
I remember the fragrances in the kitchen as my mother cooked, and her smiling eyes, that were embraced by soft eyebrows. I liked the way she called my name and how she enveloped me in her arms when she hugged me. I loved watching her live mindful of others, how devoted she was to living a spiritually-focused life.
I remember how my father left early every morning to go to work, but I don't ever recall his complaining about it. I know that our family always had food to eat and shelter, because he saw providing for us as his responsibility, and said so. I also remember how he would beat me every time when I played checkers with him, but I was never sad in my defeat, because watching his brilliance as a checker player was worth the loss. I remember how he so enjoyed a Thanksgiving meal that my daughter and I prepared for him only two years before his transition, and how he thanked us over and over again for the joy he experienced.
When we "go back and fetch" our positive experiences of the past, our real roots, Spirit moves through our consciousness like a rushing stream unobstructed in its flow. Our roots are sometimes forgotten, but Spirit remembers. Let us allow ourselves to align with Spirit and set ourselves alight for the future.

Compassionate Living

2009-07-13T04:54:00.000-04:00

" The stone in the water does not know how hot the hill is, parched by the sun." - Nigeria

Whenever I arrive early to the symphony, I hear the various players of instruments tuning and plucking in a cacophony of sounds. Each potential virtuoso is in his or her own musical world, trying to elicit from the instrument the best that it can be. I do not hear these sounds with repulsion, but rather with expectation. I trust that out of the disharmony of the beginning moments, a beautiful symphony will emerge.
I am keenly aware of suffering in the world - People tuning their lives in disharmony with their desires, in some cases accepting their role as "stone in the water" or "sun-drenched hill." If we look deeply into their music, we see both the rush of the water flowing around the stone, and the warmth of the sun heating a hill that was cooled during the night. The rush of water can be abrasive, but it cools as well; the hill is parched by the sun, but warmed by it in the morning. Within each challenge lies both a danger and an opportunity. We can embrace both as the background music of our lives. We do not know what treasures lie in being a stone or a hill, until we see more than how each may suffer, but also what is being created as a desire. We cannot fully know the way a person experiences her life, unless we listen to her music - both the challenges and triumphs of living.
We can model for others the courage to face our challenges and to believe that Spirit is the eternal source of well-being. We can believe that all suffering is temporary and that even more beautiful symphonies are waiting to be played.
Compassionate living is playing our own part brilliantly, believing that disharmony is simply a prelude to peace. When we play lovingly with each other, we are the instruments of peace. When we listen to each other, we are warmed by all of life's music. When we are in tune with each other, we allow Spirit to flow into our lives. With passion, we celebrate the high notes of our lives, and know that the low notes are simply the beginning of a crescendo. Spirit is the music of our lives. Compassion is a way we express our spiritual connection to others.

Natural Joy

2009-07-12T04:20:00.000-04:00

"When the cock is drunk, he forgets about the hawk." - Ashanti

A few years ago, I was asked to review a book for a university book review series. I was assigned a book by Andrew Weil entitled The Natural Mind. Dr. Weil made an impassioned plea for folks to turn away from mind altering drugs to the joy of the natural mind, where one can experience a natural high with no destructive consequences. What drives folks to use mind altering drugs? What is it that we are seeking? I use the term mind altering drug broadly to mean anything that turns us artificially and temporarily from the love of Spirit, and makes us vulnerable to suffering.

My mind altering drug is shopping. I am aware of the keen desire that compels me to shop, and the sobering experience when the bill arrives in my mailbox. The altering is only temporary, since the desired effect is an illusion. The drug is little more than a placebo, since it offers no real healing or sustaining power, but falsely promises relief. When I turn to shopping, I become vulnerable, because I am grounded in faulty thinking and an impoverishment of spirit.

The only sustenance comes from Spirit. I must allow my wings to open, as Rumi so wonderfully writes, " Something opens our wings./ Something makes boredom and hurt disappear./Someone fills the cup in front of us./We taste only sacredness." With each breath in and out , we can experience the power of Spirit's love for us. In the momentary pause between our in breath and out breath, Spirit flows into our open wings. Be still. What we seek in our "drunkenness" is love. We will always find it in the silence.

Loving, Big and Small

2009-07-11T07:07:00.000-04:00

" It is better to be loved than feared." - Senegal

Small people seemed to be easier to love than big people. We tend to love small children and become afraid of adults. We want to protect small children, but we eagerly punish adults for their wrongdoings. Size seems to matter when it comes to love and protection.
Spirit assures me that unconditional love does not expire as I grow older. The same love that I felt as a young person is felt today and everyday, every hour, every moment. The warmth of that recurring experience convinces me that adults want and need love as much as children do.

Being loved is at the core of our desires and our life's journey. We go to such lengths to be loved. We attach ourselves to people and things, seeking love, and for an instant we think we've found it, but sometimes disappointments and disagreements lead us to despair and self-destruction. What we seek is available to us continuously; we are always loved.

If we believe that love is inaccessible, or that through some imagined flaw within us that we do not really deserve to be loved, we can become angry and resentful, committing acts that give others an excuse to be afraid of us. Spirit sees us as whole, capable and good, so our self-recriminations are illusions that we try to make real. Spirit responds to each of us, whether we are large or small, without first demanding some measure of goodness that would set us apart from others. We are the ones who demand of others certain standards of goodness, based on our view of the world. From a place of righteousness, we can then divide people into the good and bad, the big or small, the loved and the feared.

Being feared generates a kind of respect that many find useful. The ego likes the sense of power that comes from being feared, but fear disconnects us from others, spiritually and emotionally. Winston Churchill profoundly announced during the second European war that "the only thing to fear is fear itself." Spirit is a source of love, not fear. Acknowledgement of the love of Spirit in our lives is respecting the life that we have, and looking forward to our continual becoming. There is nothing more powerful than opening ourselves to the love from Spirit and then expressing appreciation for our lives, regardless of whether we are big or small.

Returning the Favor

2009-07-10T04:17:00.000-04:00

" A good deed is something one returns." - Guinea

I am fortunate to have many generous friends and family who invite me to dinner, share an evening coffee at the local coffee shop, or invite me to holiday gatherings. Gifts and remembrances are heartfelt and precious to me, because so often they are expressions from the soul. The kindnesses and gestures of relationship remind me of the joy in living, and the responsibility to be appreciative of others. The word responsibility seems to carry the connotation of duty, which always brings with it resistance, but the ability to respond is central to relationships.
Spirit models for us the power of response-ability. At the mere hint of a thought or desire, Spirit flows into motion to respond. When we add the critical ingredient of passion to our desires or thoughts, Spirit moves us closer to our desires. The gift of realizing our passionate desires is not a selfish goal, but one that serves the whole of humanity. We are inextricably linked to one another in spirit, so the joy we experience in our relationship with Spirit is a contribution we make to the overall good and well-being in the world. When we acknowledge the loving thoughts and behaviors of those who are close to us, we return the love.

Source

2009-07-09T04:00:00.000-04:00

"Every stream has its source." - Zulu

Who are we? Where did we come from? Where do we human beings go when we leave this earth? These are three questions that have driven the establishment of religions and cultures for thousands of years. What is the source of our existence? If we answered the first question, would the others be answered as well? What would our life be like if we did not entertain those questions at all?

Imagine a life without fears or worries, one with joy as the centerpiece. Would it matter to us what species we were, or how we came to be? With joy as our source, we could flow freely through life, eventually joining the ocean of streams.
Because we have constructed measures of our existence that we call time and space, we are locked into a frame of thinking about our lives as existing within boundaries. A stream simply flows, and if it encounters a rock, it flows around it. A wonderful zen statement that guides my existence is " Be the water, not the rock." A rock is stuck, grounded by the limitations and weightiness of its existence, while a stream flows powerfully. Spirit is my source, and life is my stream. With that knowing, fears and worries are like temporary diversions along the way. I cannot stop flowing with Spirit as my source.

Praise Proof

2009-07-08T04:00:00.000-04:00

"To be praised is to be lost." -Kikuyu (Kenya)

Society is not always kind to those it praises, and those who are praised are not always kind to themselves. As Don Miguel Ruiz warns, we must not take anything personally, even praise. When people praise someone they do so with an implied expectation that they will benefit from the praise. The implication is nuanced in their desire to imitate others, create standards for behavior, and live vicariously through others. The trouble arises when we're not sure, as the recipients of praise, what other people really want, and then we lose ourselves in an effort to accommodate the inexplicable wishes of others. Attached to the desires of others, we are almost certain to experience rejection, and then the cycle of praise, accommodation and rejection is complete.
I have often felt uncomfortable with praise. When I first earned a doctoral degree, I received lots of praise from family and close friends. The ego-judge within me pointed out flaws whenever the praise song began. The accommodation had begun. I then felt a need to prove my worthiness once more, thereby launching a vicious cycle of praise and proof. Ruiz's warning shifted my energy to accepting the truth that those who praise are seekers of love that they can only find within themselves. I honor their journey to love when I allow them to own the praise they offer, because it is not mine to have.
When I released myself from the desire to be praised, I discovered my own value, my own spirit. I realized that praise is focused on past occurrences, with expectations for more. I can choose to expand at my own pace, knowing that I have nothing to prove to Spirit, who blesses me moment by moment with unconditional love.

Side to Side

2009-07-07T04:14:00.000-04:00

" His opinions are like water in the bottom of a canoe, going side to side." - Efik

One teaching story that I love is about a man who refuses to have an opinion about his life situations. When others offer their opinions or warnings, and then request a response from him, he does not commit to an opinion, but rather answers, " Maybe yes, maybe no."

Not having an opinion is difficult for me; I've grown up with opinions either thrust towards me or requested of me. As a consultant, I am asked my opinion constantly; to have no opinion could be career-threatening. How we see things is entirely our own view, and as we experience more and more of life, our opinions change. This changeability renders opinions less reliable and respected in our discourse with others.
In a practical world, opinions are not taken seriously. As Andrew Schleicher has said, "Without data, you're just another person with an opinion." Even in our data-driven society, it's hard not to have an opinion. But it's not the having an opinion that is troublesome, it's that our opinions tend to change with new data.
When I speak from my inner experience, I tend to be on firmer ground, than when I offer an opinion based on an unfounded belief, partial information or negative inferences. When I focus on what I like or do not like in my conversations with others, I can move quickly toward an opinion, which is a half-step on the way to a judgment.
The Spirit within us does not judge; but instead lovingly responds to our deepest longings to be whole. Instead of having an opinion about our life, Spirit sees through the filters that shroud us in life's challenges, and beholds us as we want to be: loving spirits who are secure in our worthiness.

The Full Truth

2009-07-06T04:22:00.000-04:00

" If you want someone more knowledgeable than yourself to identify a bird, you do not first remove the feathers." - Fulani

There is much talk today about transparency. The US government is trying it on like new clothes that sometimes need to be altered to fit properly. Organizations are trying it on in the interest of fairness and accountability. Humans are risking openness in search of truth, like social networking online which often brings up guardedness and suspicion, leading to questions of safety and vulnerability.
A friend of mine recently mentioned a website at http://www.meetup.com/ where people self-organize into like-minded social groups. Groups exist across the nation, waiting for new members to connect. But in spite of all the opportunities to engage with others, members will need to manage how many feathers they are willing to leave on, and to what degree will those feathers make them feel vulnerable or secure.
In the eyes of Spirit, we are lovable, feathers and all. There is no need to fear how we are seen. Each feather is an expression of the life we have lived, and the expansion of that life through the quality of our experience. Spirit looks lovingly into our mirror with us, and knows who we are.

Charity

2009-07-05T04:46:00.000-04:00

" Charity is a silent prayer." - Arabic

I receive periodic solicitations from a local food bank which has an excellent reputation for its work in the community, not only giving hungry people a fish, but also teaching them to fish. I try to support the organization's efforts because I am assured that my donation will be used to support others in a meaningful way. When we grasp money, we can develop an unhealthy attachment to it, but when we give money we attach the essence of our loving spirit to it. I realize that when I offer love to others I am being kind to myself, because I am expressing who I really am. Charity for me is a love poem that expresses a vision for others that is a complete departure from the so-called reality of their situation. People are not what they have or do not have, but rather what they are becoming.
Charity is a prayer of gratitude for the ability to give, and a subtle recognition that there is infinite abundance available to us, so much so that giving does not diminish our portion but rather underscores our spiritual power. I hold the view that we are capable and whole spiritual beings, so there can be no limits, excepts those that we place on ourselves. Giving to others is an opportunity to be the love we want to experience from others. That's why it feels so good.

Finding Peace

2009-07-05T04:16:00.000-04:00

" He who runs after good fortune, runs away from peace." - Chad

Peace is not an absence of conflict, but rather freedom from fear. With the constant seeking of good fortune outside of ourselves, we accumulate debilitating fears. We are our own good fortune, because Spirit lives within us. Our fears keep us from realizing our powerful position in this universe.
Many of us give safe harbor to overpowering fears. Floating safely on the waters of our hearts, fears of loss keep us from exploring life in all its adventures. I once knew a man who had tremendous fears of being robbed, so he invested in elaborate locks. When he learned that I traveled often to other cities for work, he offered one of his locks for hotel rooms as an insurance of my safety. I graciously refused his offer, citing my unerring belief in my own safety. When I travel, the joy of working with others overshadows the possibility of meeting some shadowy strangers whom I have never invited into my thoughts. I choose to think that all is well, and that everything always works out for me. Spirit agrees with me.

Listening Universe

2009-06-30T04:21:00.000-04:00

"Even flies have ears." - Tanzania

We spend a good deal of our lives listening; everyone listens with their emotions. Every living thing "listens" for the possibility of happiness, even the smallest fly. What are we listening for? Our souls have an insatiable appetite for joy, so when we are fearful, our souls are starving, unsatisfied with the tensions of longing for a joyful experience. We are listening for an opportunity to feel well-being.

No matter what I ask for in this life, the universe is always listening. Even a fleeting thought is noticed, so I am never without a response. It's clear to me that Spirit listens to my heart, not just my words. Since I sometimes have mixed feelings about some new adventure that I want to undertake, the universe listens to that blurry desire and presents an equally unspecified response. When I am clear and free of doubt, Spirit moves to answer my prayers. Being responsive also means that Spirit allows me to change my mind, as I gain greater clarity. Clarity comes from paying attention to my feelings, but when I deny my true feelings, especially my doubts, I get in the way of an answered prayer.

With hope, we come face to face with doubt, and try to use our own energy to make things work out. The sick and infirm hope for a miracle, while the wrongly accused, hope for exoneration. The nervous parent hopes for the safety of a child out of sight, and the unemployed mother hopes for employment.

With strong faith, we come face to face with belief, and rely on what we know or have seen to assure us that all is well. The followers of belief systems have faith in their beliefs, scientists have faith in science and logic, and children have faith in parents as long as they can be trusted to be loving.

With knowing, we come face to face with the Spirit within us, and feel the connection with life. We know that all is well, whether or not we can convince others of our knowing. We know that the universe is abundant, because we notice it all around us as scientific and spiritual truth. We know that it is incongruent to think that we are powerless when we are in relationship with the infinitely intelligent, all-powerful Spirit. With knowing we know Love.

A Compass

2009-06-29T05:39:00.000-04:00

" In the ocean, one does not need to sow water." - Somalia

It's comforting to me to know that Spirit is all there is in the universe. Spirit does not begin or end, so being in relationship with this awesome power comes with a responsibility. My role is simple: I must fulfill my reason for being by seeking joy in every moment.

When I reflect on the miracle of my existence, I am humbled by the extraordinary expanse of the universe of which I am a part. Scientists have stopped trying to count the galaxies, and they still discover new planets. The stars are innumerable, some dying while others surface in the awareness of astrophysicists. As I become more and more aware of the unimaginable size of the infinite universe, I am also intrigued by the smallness of the earth in relation to the universe as a whole. I am simultaneously small and significant, invisible and prominent, nameless and known. Every thought that I think has power, yet the manifestation of what I think about is not my doing. I am free to seek joy, but I am also free to invest in the illusion of fear. I ask and it is given without question, while others do the same.

But I move within this universe with a nautical compass, because in the ocean that is the universe, I am a wave. With Spirit living within me, I have no fear, no aimless wandering, no lack of abundance, I simply have to be. I do not have to sow water; as Lao Tsu said centuries ago, "The way to do is to be."

Risking Recognition

2009-06-28T04:14:00.000-04:00

" A too modest man goes hungry." -Ethiopia

Art work is a person's beautiful imperfections. I once was a practicing artist, creating imperfections in oil, acrylics, and ink. I never sold a painting, not because there was no one who wanted them, but because, from my perspective, they were modest representations of my potential; I wanted my art work to be perfect before I released it. The quest for perfection is based on the fear of rejection, fueled by an irrational ego, which prevents us from enjoying the passion of creativity. There are countless stories of artists who suffer because of their quest for perfection, while the essential beauty lies within the curious combinations of flaws. Iman, the beautiful Somali model, once said that the secret of her beauty was that she had the right combination of imperfections. How is it then that some of us make friends with flaws, and others denounce them?

When life compels us to create, it is the gestating passion we feel that gives us true joy. The product is simply the birth of love made manifest. Visual art is but one way in which creativity emerges in our world. We are all artists, creating the moments of our lives with our thoughts and feelings. We are teachers, synthesizing and stimulating young minds, so that the world will continue to expand. We are innovators, intoxicated by the possibilities of new frontiers. We are influencers, modeling through our experience of abundance what life can be for those with doubts. We are peacemakers, relishing times when conflicting desires coalesce or transcend the rancor of fear. We are loving spirits, who have the power to think thoughts that are in alignment with who we really are. What would it mean for us to risk recognizing ourselves for all that we are, even in our imperfect states of being?

When I withhold my passion to create, I orchestrate a disunity between how I see myself and how Spirit sees me. I hide not only my light behind a bush, but myself as well. It is the process of creating that gives me joy, not the product. Others are attracted to the essence of the creation, because of the loving energy that emerged in the process. Love cannot be contained; it moves at warp speed through our existence. When we flow freely with loving energy, we feel the exhilaration of the movement, and then find what we have been looking for throughout our life. Enjoying the fullness of the Spirit of Love is a journey of self-recognition.

Legacy

2009-06-27T04:04:00.000-04:00

" The dead man does not know he is naked." - Ashanti

I once whined to an Ashanti friend of mine that I did not want to die alone in my house, which was then situated in a remote suburban area. He told me that in his tradition, proverbs helped people to face reality. He said that if I am dead, I will not know that I am alone, and therefore it really didn't matter. On the surface, the statement seems almost callous, only because my concern was about how my living could affect how I would experience dying. I reflected for several hours on his response, reluctantly letting go of my anxiety, and facing the wisdom of his response. What concerned me at first was feeling alone in the world, and realizing that one day my life will end on earth. Although I acknowledged feeling alone, the actual experience of my life is quite different. I have many friends and colleagues who know and respect me. There are strangers whom I have not yet met. The natural environment entertains me with its seemingly endless diversity and beauty. I am never alone, really, because Spirit lives within, and presents a world that is as delicious as a gourmet buffet. How then do we focus so much energy on death, and so little on how we are living?

Some might see the above question as a rationalization, because in the physical world, we social beings desire a personal relationship with others. But relationships are based on what we are willing to, as a friend says, deposit into the relationship bank account. Without a deposit, there is no possibility of a viable withdrawal. A major deposit is appreciation of what we have right now, in the present moment. From the deposit of appreciation, we can withdraw an endless supply of joy - the purpose of our existence. When we leave this physical world, how much will we leave behind in the various relationship bank accounts of our lives? What will people be able to continually withdraw from the account of our lives?

Life is not about dying, but about living, and knowing that Spirit lives with us, always. Fear thrusts us into a preoccupation with dying, and causes us to devalue the love that exists everywhere in our experience of living. Love shows up everywhere: in the artful preparation of foods, in the care of a physician, in the faces of schoolchildren, in the smiles of graduates, in the fragrances of flowers and the songs of the birds. With so much abundance, we have resources to create a legacy of joy, care, hope and loving spirit.

Living with purpose is knowing the power of our relationship with Spirit, and acknowledging the love that exists in our life. Living for a legacy is respecting the lives of others; seeing others as companion spirits who are seeking freedom from fear and desiring to love and be loved; and being a clear example of well-being and loving spirit. What will be your legacy?

Creativity

2009-06-26T04:11:00.000-04:00

" No matter how full the river, it still wants to grow." - Congo

People who have achieved worldwide recognition for their artistry often recount in their memoirs how they got started. Their inspirations have in some cases been other people, or dramatic events in their lives. The natural world around them often informs their work. There is a kind of fullness that comes from the challenges we face in life; instead of a desire to have less eventful lives, our experiences compel us towards more and more contrasting experiences. We become mindful of a passion deep within our soul that longs for new experiences and expansion.

I write poetry from time to time, and almost always I am moved to write when I have experienced something that fills me with emotion. My poetry releases a tension that grows inside of me. The fullness overflows into an expression of what I am experiencing emotionally, and my yearning for understanding and growth. My poetry emerges from a state of flow, a powerful passion to create, where what I recognize as Spirit, moves me to write. The following poem, written nearly 25 years ago, attempts to describe creativity.

Creativity moves slowly

It strains to gather form

It's born in strong impressions

And nurtured by a wish

To recreate a moment

Or crystallize a fear

To free a joyous heartbeat

Or draw a memory near

When we create a poem, art work or music, many would clearly classify these activities as creative. But, each day of our human experience, we are creating. Our words, thoughts and feelings are creating responses to our momentary experiences. As we look for and find resolutions to challenges, we are creating ways to live more fully. When we love one another with encouraging smiles or listening ears, we are creating warmth and caring in the world; we are influencing life. When we choose to take care of our physical health, we are creating a personal model of self-care. When we forgive ourselves and others, we are creating peace. When we acknowledge our relationship with Spirit, we are acknowledging our inherent capacity to grow and expand.

Throughout all our creations, Spirit sits at the center, like the hub of a wheel whose existence makes the movement of the wheel possible, and ensures the integrity of the wheel. The wheel turns continuously and passionately, so when we reveal our own passion to create, we align with Spirit and move with the energy of Life.

Honor the Inner Child

2009-06-25T04:45:00.000-04:00

"He who asks questions, cannot avoid the answers." - Cameroon

Every message we've ever received from others throughout our whole life remains with us. How we feel about our self and our life is a result of our reaction to what we have seen, heard, felt, touched, smelled - experienced. As long as we have questions lingering about our experiences, we are compelled to keep asking, and when we receive answers, we cannot avoid them.

Even as I age, I am keenly aware of the child I carry within me. The child has many early life experiences that keep playing out in my adult life. A broken heart can show up as pain in the chest, and thwarted desires can show up as clogged arteries. Swollen ankles, medically described as retention of fluid, can be an attempt to keep what has been lost. Our emotional and physical memories are linked. Our inner child keeps asking questions. Am I loved? Am I whole? Spirit answers, "Yes, always and forever!"
The now infamous author James Frey, who wrote A Million Little Pieces, a book about his struggle to overcome drug addiction, described a particular kind of self-destruction that can give an inner child license to express anger, frustration and self-hatred. The struggles we face are our attempt to find peace, while we are oblivious to our inherent spiritual wholeness. We break into pieces of ourselves, discounting our spiritual integrity, while in reality our inner child is wholesome, integrated, and complete. Spirit holds the child within us in the light and sees no flaws; it is our own self-evaluation, based on our endless self-questions, that bring us pain and suffering. The All-Knowing Spirit of an endless universe cannot be in error!
We can honor the child within us as the whole being that it is. Our past messages are data and information, but they are not the full story. We are more than what we have experienced in life: we are eternal spirits. No matter what our questions may be, the answer is always the same: we are loved, and all is well, always.

No offenses

2009-06-24T04:00:00.000-04:00

" If you offend, ask for pardon; if offended, forgive." - Ethiopia

The trouble with offenses is that the behaviors are strong departures from who we really are as expressions of Spirit, whether we perpetrate offenses are feel injured by them. Spirit sees us as whole and good, so when we offend or hold a grudge, we are dispirited, or disconnected from the person we came to this world to be. When we disconnect from Spirit, we disconnect from a whole community of beings. Our rejection of one another is a rejection of all others, so when we heal ourselves, we offer the opportunity for others to heal. We are connected as human beings through the spiritual essence of Spirit. We have a responsibility to our spiritual community to have the self-discipline to follow the model that Spirit demonstrates. Know that in the eyes of Spirit, we are whole, beautiful expressions of life, exploring possibilities and learning the rewards of loving one another.

But nothing makes us more vulnerable to offense than interpersonal relationships, because often the response to an offense is held in secret, and allowed to simmer deep within our consciousness. After a number of offenses, a person in the relationship 'explodes," no longer able to contain the accumulated anxieties. The explosion simply makes matters worse, since the venting still avoids direct communication with mutual respect. Offenses come from a place of fear - fear of loss, fear of significance, or fear of ego-death. When we forgive ourselves for an offense we can speak with compassion, and when we turn to love, we no longer fear the death of our being, because we understand that love is everlasting.

Family Ties

2009-06-23T08:49:00.000-04:00

" A family is like a forest; if you are outside it is dense, when you are inside you see each tree has its place." - Akan

The definition of family has changed from when a family was a man and all his possessions, including his cattle, wife and children. It's sometimes difficult for the figurative head of a family to behave responsibly when that responsibility has been ascribed on the basis of gender. Today, perhaps a family has another meaning; it is a system of relationships that support interdependence and the continuation of life. According to James Carse, author of Finite and Infinite Games, the game of life is an infinite game, one in which players are keenly interested in continuing to play. My relationship with Spirit introduces me to the joy of an infinite game, as Spirit models for me what a family really is.

Being recognized and known comes to mind when I think of family. Finding comfort in not having to explain myself to members of my family, is another benefit. I know to whom I'm related and who is included in my extended family. Even though members of my extended family may have different surnames, or live in different states and cities, I know them and they know me. There is a family culture that creates a boundary around my family, distinguishing it from others. Only when I want to feel magnanimous or inclusive do I say that I am a member of the human family.

Most of the time, I feel secure in knowing that my family has a spiritual essence that transcends the persons within it, but sometimes the membership is as dense as a forest. In spite of the cultural rules that emerge in families - one must marry a member to become a member; one must be a descendant of originals to be a member; or one must be born of a member to become a member - families grow and decline. Older members reunite with Spirit and young members announce their entrance into the family, but the essence of the family remains.

The essence of our human families is spiritually ordained. Our spiritual family is infinite, with no boundaries constraining us, or exclusion of anyone. Unconditional love is at the core of our family relationships. We know each other by the breath of Spirit that we rhythmically breathe in and out each moment. Our relationships are long-lasting, sustained beyond the physical expression that we are on this earth. Memories comfort us with feelings of warmth and joy, and within our spiritual family, there is no space for fear, because it's supplanted by faith. We are known by what we do for one another in our spiritual family more than what we say to one another. Our words are spoken from a place of loving spirit, rather than from a place of insecurity and fear. The more we focus on who we really are, expressions of Spirit, the more we immerse ourselves into being the love we were meant to be.

No matter where we are, or with whom we live, our spiritual family is always with us. We carry our families deep with our hearts and express our familial love with every breath. Spirit models for us unbounded love, where each person in our spiritual family has a place within our life's story.

Walking With Love

2009-06-22T04:01:00.000-04:00

"When you follow in the path of your father, you learn to walk like him." - Ashanti

I have collected art works for many years. One piece now lies in storage, waiting to adorn my walls again. It 's a drawing by Aldo Longo that I collected in California in the late 1970's. The drawing depicts a man with his hands stuck into his pant pockets and his son walking beside him with his hands stuck in his pockets also. The scene is sweet and instructive about the power of imitation and relationships.

When I was about 10 years old, I realized that I walked like my father, not so much in his confident stroll, but in the way he moved his feet when he was angry. Unconsciously perhaps, I expressed my anger or frustration by splaying my feet outward in a way my parents called "slew-footed." I don't know the origin of the description, but slew-footed walking is not my normal gait.

There is an unconscious message that we send to our children, or to young people in our company that indicates how and when they should walk. Have you ever witnessed the march of mallard ducks with their young, trailing trustfully behind the mother, as they emerge from a lake? I have observed the march as it stopped traffic for a few minutes, while the ducks crossed the road. We can learn a good deal from animals, who show us our own potential.

We sentient beings have a choice of models, even though our parents, guardians, and relatives have influenced us greatly. We have numerous paths to follow each day that lead us on the path to freedom, peace and joy, but we must be aware of the path and the guide. Some guides can lead us into fearfulness and despondency and others can lead us into joy. I realize that I must know who I am in relationship to Spirit, so that I can recognize the guidance when it appears for the journey. I don't want to miss a turn or a step, or end up at a place I didn't intend. I want to feel joy on the path with an infinite destination. I want my path to have points of view and sweet sounds of stillness along the way. I want to trust my guide with all my heart, and know that I will always be safe. If I stumble along the way, I want the obstacle to simply encourage me to pay attention. If I get really comfortable in my gait, I want a surprise along the way to keep me on my toes. I want to look back at times, only to see the footprints I have left behind that might someday be a light for others. I love the path and the guiding beacon. When I have confidence in the leadership, I know that love is present, and that all is well.

Seeing Together

2009-06-21T04:25:00.000-04:00

"Two eyes see better than one." - Madagascar

A friend and colleague of mine named Rick Maurer has written a great book entitled, Why Don't You Want What I Want? Rick is an expert on resistance in organizations, teams and individuals. He knows that people don't always see eye to eye. I like the way he honors resistance as useful energy in organizations. I've often thought about what gets in the way of our seeing eye to eye, and whether or not agreement on what we see is or is not at the core of our disagreements. As Michael Polyani suggested eons ago in The Tacit Dimension, problems imply that something is hidden, and if we know what's wrong, there is no problem. Perhaps the real problem is that we cannot support the idea that two or more ways of seeing something could be a good thing. Spirit demonstrates a power that is capable of listening to multiple prayers and supplications and then responding lovingly to the passion of our hearts, even if we may want different things, since we see differently. We too can relax into the power of our different views, and know that all is well, always.

Focus

2009-06-20T04:52:00.000-04:00

" He who hunts two rats, catches none." - Uganda

I'm not so certain that multi-tasking is a good thing. Whenever I am in quantitative overload mode, I experience stress. I have empathy with people who attempt to manage many things at once, and at the end of the day are either exhausted or feel disappointed in the relatively few accomplishments for the day. Does the day happen to you, or are you fully immersed in the possibilities and presence of the day? Do you miss most of the day, because time exerts its pressure on you, and urges you to fit uncomfortably into its boundaries?

Do you ever attempt to use all of your senses to take in the day fully? My dog Peri, like many dogs, is curious. I'm certain that he knows the fragrance emitted from every plant within a mile of my home in any direction! He patiently sniffs each plant when we go for a walk, with his nose sometimes dangerously close to the ground. He's also foraging for morsels (I call them possibilities) as he scours the path of his walk. I have learned from him the virtues of slowing down, even though my intention is to take advantage of a brisk walk. His resistance has been useful. Although I have lived in my current home for three years, I have begun to "discover" new places in my neighborhood, and have enjoyed the songs of the birds and fragrant plants along the way. When I focus on the experience of my walk with Peri, I move my attention away from stress and toward the powerful beauty of the present.

Dwelling in the present places me in the company of Spirit, so with each breath I take, I am healed. When I first started walking with my dog, I struggled to breathe, particularly as I climbed slight hills, or mounted steps in my urban neighborhood. The fumes mixed with other pollutants strained my breath and caused me discomfort. After a few weeks of walking, I began to notice a difference in my breathing, so I at first attributed it to my regular exercise. But I had previously exercised in a fitness center with no appreciable change in my breathing capacity. It is my breathing in the beauty of my experience that has made the difference. I am not just exercising when I walk, I am focusing my attention on the present moments. Without the need or desire to divide my attention, I have allowed Spirit in and out with every walking breath, and now I am available to catch up with my true life.

Expansion

2009-06-19T03:07:00.000-04:00

" What one hopes for is always better than what one has." - Ethiopia

I will soon move my residence, perhaps to another state, and when I do, I will seek a place unlike where I am now. It's not so much that I don't like where I am now, I just want something different. At the same time, I am truly appreciative of the joys of living where I do. There are dozens of restaurants nearby; my bank is across the street; and any other resource I might need is less than 2 miles away. I live in a community of strolling residents, who enjoy the conveniences. So why would I want to leave this wonderful setting? I suppose the sense of adventure could be an explanation, or a desire to have a quieter lifestyle.

My desire to leave has been laced with ambivalence for some time, since I know that I already have what I need. Knowing the fullness of my life experience does not, cannot keep me from wanting to grow, expand and explore. There are practical explanations for my decisions; there always are perfectly logical explanations for wanting to change, but at the core of my decision is an almost innate desire to be more and to experience more.

One of the possible downfalls of these incessant desires for more, is that we can miss the excitement of the journey toward our desires, as we impatiently wait for them to become a reality. There is a kind of heat within us that stirs our soul and then propels us lovingly toward our desires. We must first know that we are enough, and be thankful for what we already have, before the thoughts that gave birth to our new desires can be realized.

Spirit stirs within helping us to realize that everything we want and need lives vibrantly inside us. Our desires are like seeds in a personal garden, growing with our imagination as nutrients, and watered by Spirit. We already have what we need; we must simply recognize and be grateful for the deliciousness of our inevitable harvest.

Experience

2009-06-18T16:32:00.000-04:00

"Proverbs are the daughters of experience." - Rwanda

I am a student of experience. I have been fond of it for some time. I'm as intrigued with a colorful bird as I am with a good movie. So much of experience goes by unnoticed, that I have to be intentional about paying attention or I'll miss some important nuance. Thank goodness for proverbs. They poignantly remind us of images and behaviors that continually teach us to become aware of the world around us, because our thoughts and feelings could be affected by what happens. Thank goodness also for the lessons of our natural world, so instructive and reflective of our human existence. If there is one lesson I have learned that has served me well, it is, "Pay attention to your experience in every moment." Spirit lives in our experiences. Honor every living thing; everything living has the capability of teaching us what life is and can be. I appreciate Spirit for providing ways for me to live mindfully and to listen with my heart.

Resting

2009-06-17T06:16:00.000-04:00

"Even the mightiest eagle comes down to the tree to rest." - Uganda

When I looked at my calendar recently, I realized how many days I have spent at my home office over the past 6 months, but how little that translates to real rest. In contrast, my little poodle sleeps for most of the day, and enjoys simple pleasures and necessities of life. Rest is as much his work as learning to live respectfully in my home.

I have found many ways to rest, although some are favorites. Last year I went on cruises in order to rest. I rested in the sunny Caribbean and the Western Mediterranean, seeing other parts of the world and reading peacefully on the ship's deck during the day. At night, as the ship departed, I ate dinner with new friends in the ship's dining room. The "getaway" was successful in taking me out of my office and removing the temptation to work beyond the necessity. In order to take the trip, I worked tirelessly to complete work for clients and make other arrangements to clear a space for me to be away from my work. The first few days of my trips were like coming off a roller coaster, with wobbly legs and an attempt to regain my equilibrium. A full two days into my trips, I was usually still attempting to rest.

Although I love to cruise to different parts of the world, I can find rest every day at home. With every breath, in and out, I can find rest in knowing Spirit. If I close my eyes and pay attention to my own breathing, I can find peace. My prayer of appreciation and hopefulness calms my inner sanctum and opens me to the presence of Spirit.

During the morning, as I listen to the sounds of the neighborhood waking up with a gradually increasing cacophony of sounds, I can find rest. If I listen with a discerning ear, I will hear the birds chirping in the midst of the din. In my appreciation of the sounds of activity, I begin to notice my own stillness, and as my stillness deepens, I hear my own heart. My drumlike heart beats rhythmically and continually, like the rush of waves toward the shores of a beach. I then realize that I do not make my heart beat, it does so methodically, like the reliability of Spirit to be with me unconditionally. I do not want to hear or feel less of my experience, but more; I allow my own presence to simply be and then know the softness of peace and the ever-present comfort of Spirit.

My inner spirit is a home that I carry with me. Whether I'm floating on the Mediterranean sea or flying in a plane, I can come down to rest. I need no special arrangements or scenery to find a place of renewal and solitude. Wherever I go, there I am, finding peace and rest in every moment of awareness.

Guides

2009-06-16T04:45:00.000-04:00

" A tree is straightened while it is still young." - Burundi

I have a conserved bonzai tree in my living room that reminds me of the ways in which we shape our reality, with twists and turns into a thing of beauty. In our spiritual youth, we sometimes take circuitous paths to the light. Along our chosen paths are numerous guides.

Family systems are social and interpersonal crucibles that shape our beliefs in love, safety and relationships. The core ingredients mixed in our crucibles are a sense of identity and connection: a contradiction of sorts. What we call our family creates numerous vignettes that train us to see the world a certain way. Our family system guides are capable of reflecting to us both love and fear, each having the capacity to shape our views. Love vignettes help us to relate freely to our material and natural world, while fear vignettes encourage us to distrust all that exists outside of ourselves. When we discover that we are not alone but almost always in a state of meeting others, we either play out our freedom or our fears. My crucible was a mixtire of love and fear with an early realization of the boundaries of my freedom. I developed an early relationship with Spirit, and even though I continued to change and grow, Spirit remained a continual source of peace.

Religions, the belief systems that bind us together in communities of faith, provide guides that shape what we do and how we decide what we should do and be. Who I have become is a result of all the religious leaders who have shaped me. Some guided me to faith, while others guided me to peace. Some also stirred my thinking and gave substance to questions that lingered in my consciousness from early in my life. Some helped me to be strong when difficult challenges appeared in my life, while others taught me to be mindful of my present experience, and to find Spirit in the simplicity of my breathing.

Government systems create legal fences around us in communities of laws and values that shape what we do not do and who we are not. As a young child, I believed in the guides that assured me that freedom was something I deserved, and that I lived inside a fence that saw me as equal to others. I ventured outside the fence to visit with others, and discovered that our fences were convenient but a main source of conflict, since we could easily separate ourselves into good and bad fence dwellers. I discovered that there were other guides behind other fences, who could expand my awareness, while I examined to my core values and beliefs. My relationship with Spirit helped me to understand that governments are part of my human experience, but that my spiritual relationship with All-There-Is transcends all governments, and that I was never bound, but always free to be. I realized that the only fence for me was the one I constructed to harness my own fears, and constrain my own freedom.

Economic systems are living enterprises that shape what we expect from material assets and values, from the perspectives of our non-material inner world. We can believe that there is not enough for everyone, or we can believe in a continuous flow. Guides helped me to understand that the Universe is infinite, and that if I accept that I am a part of it, one with it, I am a natural beneficiary of its abundance. I also learned that even as material wealth passes away, I can still live in an endless world of opportunities.

Educational systems create communities of learners and teachers who prepare us to face the world with knowledge so that we may see the wisdom in our experience. Discernment is the prize that we win from the accumulation of knowledge with experience. In Eric Butterworth's Spiritual Economics, the value of seeing prosperity in all things became a valuable guide for knowing who I am in the midst of religious, governmental and economic experiences. Educational guides opened my eyes so that my heart could be open to possibilities.

Our spirits are always young, even as our bodies show signs of age. The youthfulness of our spirit is an opportunity to continue to build a long-term relationship with Spirit. Throughout my life, I have been guided by Spirit, even when I could not articulate what I was experiencing. Like other souls trying to make sense of suffering, I have raised questions, and received numerous answers, and then decided on an answer and then changed my mind. Each time my thoughts changed about the nature of my existence and the purpose of my life, the reality of my life changed as well. I decided that I could trust my own thoughts, but that there was no need for me to maintain an illusion of separateness from others. All of my guides were and still are a part of who I am as a person, a human being. They are both teachers and mirrors for me. Who and what are your guides?

Your Mothers

2009-06-15T08:38:00.000-04:00

"There are no two mothers." - Congo (Lugbara)

Some time ago I began signing cards or text messages to my daughter with the name, YOM, which means, your only mother. There was no competition for the title, but I thought it was a humorous reminder, especially when she replied with a greeting, MOM, my only mother, therefore sealing the agreement.

Mothers are special, because of the way in which mother as an archetype has been a part of our existence. Although we may revere mothers as the one who made our life's entry possible, our biological mothers are only once source of the spirit of motherhood. Whenever I think of my mother images of warmth and smiles come to mind. I particularly remember her eyebrows, softly framing gentle eyes. She had a slight smile that was so representative of her humility and mindfulness, that I used to bask in her presence as she cooked delicious meals or created beauty in her sewing or design. Her essence was attractive to me because she was so serene and centered in her belief in Spirit. She was always doing something, but she seemed to do so mindful of the pleasure she derived from her work. She would sometimes hum softly, with sweat pouring from her brow, even on cool days. I continue to love my mother, but more than anything else, I am continually warmed by the memory of being loved by her.

The feelings that I still hold for my mother, more than 30 years after her death, keep showing up as I connect with new mothers. The essence of motherhood that I experience with friends and relatives does not go by unnoticed. When a friend inquires about my well-being, mothering appears. When a relative allowed me to live in her home for a while, mothering appeared. Each morning, as she prepared a healthy breakfast for me, and was concerned about my comfort, I felt the warmth of my mother. When I feel comforted, or recognized for who I really am, mothering is there. A friend who is an accomplished writer, offered to be a "midwife" of my writing in order to encourage me to publish. Her encouraging feedback is the essence of mothering. The care, support, encouragement and warmth expressed in those who mother us is Spirit moving through our lives, assuring us that a mother's love is always available to us.
Honor your mothers daily and be kissed by Spirit.

Work with Spirit

2009-06-14T07:50:00.000-04:00

" He who loves money must labor." - Mauritania

As a consultant, I don't earn anything unless I work, unlike some who have paid vacations and holidays. This is not a complaint, but a reality, my reality. But work for me is not labor or struggle, but an expression of my identity. Work is not the core of who I am, but an integral part of the way I account for my presence in this life. I love the work I do, because when I am working with others, I experience joy. I like watching the faces of people who light up with a new understanding of something they didn't know that they knew. A teary-eyed employee who suddenly realizes that she is being listened to without judgment warms my own heart. A team of managers who smile at each other as they leave a retreat because of a sense of satisfaction with their decisions reinforces my belief in the collective wisdom of people. I marvel at the dedication of leaders who work with passion to improve the lives of others, sometimes being the only window to the future for those who have lost their way. My reward is being with others and deriving joy from the temporary connections with them.

For a short space in time, I experience a sense of community, and the presence of Spirit. What I do with others is less important to me than how I feel the presence of Spirit with me as I connect with others. Often I will design a retreat or a training with specific times for certain activities, but Spirit is there, knowing the needs of all present, including me, and begins to respond. I am just a player in the drama of my work, not the playwright. It is only an illusion for me that I act alone. There is a powerful energy present with me at all times. Spiritual energy flows freely when I acknowledge its presence.

Money for me is part of the flow of energy that allows me to do what is necessary and enjoyable in my life. Energy is not something you love, but something you allow to flow. Like the rush of water from the faucet, I can turn it off or turn in on, depending on my intention. When it is on, I appreciate what it can do for me, and when it is off, I do not think about it but I know it is available. I have faith that the faucet if turned on will produce water. If there is a water supply interruption, I am confident that the problem will be resolved, and that water will once again flow freely.

The flow of money to and from me is a reality of life. If I am in a place of appreciating what I have now, of experiencing the joy in my work, the energy of money flows freely to me, but if I turn my attention to the lack of it, or if I see work as labor or struggle, the energy of money dries up, and the faucet gets clogged with doubt and fear. It is my belief or my intention that invites a response from Spirit. When I immerse myself in the deliciousness of my work with others, I am aligning myself with the truth of who I am. Work is an expression of our union with Spirit. When we allow that union to be acknowledged in appreciation, we work with integrity and joy.

Transendence

2009-06-13T04:13:00.000-04:00

"If the bull would throw you, lie down." - Nigeria

Much has been written about nonviolence, whether we are introduced to Ghandi's successful nonviolent movement in South Africa, or Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.'s movement in the United States. Christians can cite the counsel of Jesus the Anointed One as he encouraged people to "turn the other cheek." Nonviolent action helps us to transend feelings of powerlessness by understanding our true selves. We are limited only by what we can imagine, and how we view our relationship with Spirit.

Nonviolence can show up in our lives in many ways. One way is how we choose to interact with one another. Thich Nhat Hanh, a Vietnamese monk who was nominated by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. for a Nobel Peace prize, says that there is a concept called Right Speech. The four simple actions of right speech (restated) are honesty; avoiding exaggeration; not "bearing false witness" against others; and refraining from abusive language. These interpersonal communication guidelines are easy concepts, ones that most of us would agree with, but sometimes find difficult to abide by fully.

We have an opportunity to transend competitive games in our relationships if we speak the truth of our experience. Our experience will almost always share only a slight border with another person's experiential territory, but that's to be expected. We can nevertheless share our feelings authentically, as long as another person's different perspective does not give us an opportunity to make her "wrong." In our desire to be "honest", we are sometimes unkind. Our expression of honest beliefs is based on what we see, hear, understand and have experienced. Feeling right about our views is dangerous, if we want to transend the contentiousness of lobbying doggedly for our particular point of view. To be honest is not so much to be right, as it is owning our own experience, being true to ourselves.

Accuracy in our truthtelling can sometimes take an unfortunate turn when we dramatically rewrite was is true for us. Exaggeration is a compulsive plea for significance, a hope that our added ingredients to a situation will make our telling about it more powerful. As the story we tell stretches further and further away from our truth, the power we seek has an opposite effect, rendering our story insignificant or not worthy of trust. Why then do we do it? There is temporary payoff for exaggeration in the impact it has on others, but the desire for significance will be thwarted by our separation from ourselves. Our significance is a given, a gift from Spirit. If we accept the reality of our significance, we can transcend the craving for connection.

Another plea for significance and power is gossip or falsely describing the experiences of others. Unkindness toward others to whom we are spiritually connected can have disastrous affects on us. It can be said that telling untruths about others is tantamount to pulling someone into quicksand, without realizing that you are sinking into it yourself. "Bearing false witness" against others is self-destruction that creates a web of deception. Like trapped insects in a spider's web, we fly into an illusion of separation from others, and experience the isolation of fear. We fear the emergence of truth or the rejection of others. We turn away from love and towards tension and conflict. We give away our natural capacity to be kind to others, and as a consequence separate from our true selves.

Living in the tension of separation, we can grow angry and frustrated with others and ourselves, so our words express these emotions. Abusive language only serves to widen the chasm between us and those with whom we are angry or frustrated, even though many conflicts are a desire to move closer to the other person.

Our language comes from thinking emotion, a seemingly contradictory combination of words. We have emotional gauges that are set off by our thinking. So close is the relationship between what we think and what we feel, that we must be aware of our feelings in order to change our thinking. When we feel angry, frustrated, lonely or powerless, our feelings are vibrant and energetic. When we stop and become mindful of how we are feeling, and remind ourselves of the purity of our inner spirit, we are then able to refrain from abusive speech, that fractures our relationship with ourselves.

Transcendence is not a way of doing, but a way of being. Nonviolence is a trancendent way of being, a going inward for the strength that exists there, and a living expression of peaceful thoughts. Being kind to others is a nonviolent way of expressing who we really are, and consequently a way to be kind to ourselves.

Inner Gifts

2009-06-12T04:49:00.000-04:00

"You are beautiful because of your possessions." - Baguirmi (Chad)

At first glance, today's proverb could stir some controversy, but the beauty of African proverbs is the double entendre, double meanings. On the surface, it seems that our attachments to consuming material goods would be a good thing. We may ask ourselves, "How do we view our possessions?" What is the meaning that we ascribe to them? What are we seeking? How then are we defining how we appear to others by what we own?

A Chinese master once told me that my inner and outer body were essentially reflections of one another. He said that whatever is outside is also inside. I pondered that insight, and began to turn to my inner sanctum, the place of my spirit. There I found gifts from Spirit that described fully who I am and what I show on the outside.

When I failed to appreciate what was inside me, and chose to rely only on those possessions outside of me to make me whole, I eventually stumbled from my pride, and tumbled into suffering. Some of us wholly define ourselves by what we have or used to have, and in that limited definition, we live dangerously on the edge of loss daily, and establish our life's priorities based on appearances. Our beauty is then shone only through the temporary veil of possessions. The possessions themselves have no meaning whatsoever except what we ascribe to them, so often one man's trash is a treasure to another. An expensive piece of art is just expensive if it does not create joy within us when it is viewed.

The late Luther Vandross once sang powerfully loving words, " a house is not a home unless you are there." His song expresses love for someone outside of himself, but all of us have a home inside, and unless we realize what we possess in this home, we cannot fully experience joy. Our home is our inner spirit where we can experience love fully, knowing that we cannot be defined or limited, because the Spirit within us knows no limits. We can choose to adopt a perception of a limited existence, defined only by what we can accumulate, or we can turn to our inner gifts where there is no lack.

There is no need to accumulate gifts within, because everything is already there. When we ask for a gift from Spirit, it is already available to us. We must simply look inward to find it, and when we acknowledge it with appreciation and passion, it becomes our reality. Whatever is inside is also outside. The gifts inside us are cultivated in joy and peace, and accessed when we have faith in their power. Our inner gifts are never lost, cannot fade away, be stolen or destroyed.

We have a choice: we can rely on outside attachments to define us temporarily and falsely, or we can rely on our inner gifts to unfold gently as we acknowledge the power within us. In all that we do, our desire is to experience joy; we can turn inward where joy always resides.

Silence

2009-06-11T04:48:00.000-04:00

" Too much discussion means a quarrel." - Cote d'Ivoire

One of the signs of a healthy relationship is the ability to be comfortably silent together. I often observe couples in a restaurant eating together. Before too much time has passed, I begin to create a story of their relationship. I wonder sometimes if they realize that their relationship may be on display. I watch their nonverbal behavior, such as the way they do or don't face one another, hand gestures, whether they are mirroring each other in how they sit at the table. I also notice who talks and for how long, and whether the silent one answers, or whether there is mutual conversation. I look for smiles and how they may hold each other's gaze. But it is during the periods of silence between them that I most enjoy my observation. In that silence, I can develop the essence of the story I am creating about them. In the silence they are in union with Spirit; they are experiencing what is between them. It is what exists between them that makes all the difference. The unspeakable nature of a relationship is at the core what sustains it.

I once read a wonderful story, from the late Anthony de Mello, about a couple who are about to marry and decided to consult a great teacher about how to have a long and happy relationship. The teacher pondered their question and responded, " Find something outside of the two of you to love together." When we find a common thread in our relationship, it is not our appearance, or what we own, or what we can do, it is what we can love - together. Love is more than a feeling in a relationship; it is the reality of Spirit in our life.

When we say that we love each other, we are recognizing the love between us and the essence of who we are, reflected in the person we hold dear to us. When we enjoy our relationship with Spirit, and appreciate our life experience, we make peace with silence, where Spirit resides. Sometimes people have so much between them that warms their soul, that they finish each other's sentences, or lovingly anticipate each other's needs.

Quarrels tell another story. Fear rather than love disturbs the balance of the relationship, and fills the loving silence with unfinished business with others outside of the relationship; unmet but unexpressed needs from the other; cynical frustrations with some fractured ideal; or a need to heal shame or suffering. The dynamics of fear keep the real motives for the quarrels obscured, and threaten the love between us with blame and recriminations.

There is no requirement that we agree always, or that our personal desires are the same, or that we come from similar backgrounds. When we honor the silence between us and find joy in our differences, we invite Love to settle in comfortably between us. We recover our sense of peace in the silence between us, not from our withdrawal from words, but from our turning to Spirit. In our silent moments we experience the beauty of our connections, the soft image of ourselves as human beings, and the unconditional love that Spirit models for us. Enjoy the love of Spirit - together.

Mistakes

2009-06-10T04:54:00.000-04:00

"A fault confessed is half redressed." - Zululand

"I wish I had known more before I made that decision. It didn't feel right, but I did it anyway, and now I'm sorry. I feel so humiliated. I'm so angry with them for allowing this to happen!" How often have we made similar statements as we try to make sense of our mistakes. Mistakes are given top billing too often in the play of our lives. Since mistakes are feedback, the way we face our mistakes determines whether or not we can be free to use the lessons that make sense.

The mistakes alone are not the source of our distress; rather it is our response to recognizing the mistakes - whether we ourselves recognize the mistakes or someone else does. When we own our mistakes, that is, express them as such, we release the tension that surrounds them, and restore them to their rightful place as simply feedback for the future. But when we hold our mistakes as secret failures, or excuse them prematurely, or even attempt to donate the responsibility for our mistakes to others, we are likely to miss the lesson and the chance to connect with who we really are. We are continually expanding consciousness, learning and experiencing every moment of our lives. When we accept and appreciate our experiences, our consciousness expands, and when we allow ourselves to reject or dismiss our mistakes we experience suffering.

I have often said that "a person is as sick as his secrets," because we get stuck in contracted, painful experiences when we show others a replica of ourselves and not who we really are. We need not assume that we are our mistakes. We can make friends with our experiences, and allow ourselves to be mistaken, knowing that mistakes are a gift that Spirit provides for our expansion.

We redress our mistakes when we embrace them as simply our way to expand awareness of life's twists and turns. When we are mindful of our experience, we come home to Spirit, and feel the warmth of self-forgiveness. Spirit provides a crucible of experience for us; it is up to us to embrace the meaningfulness in every ingredient. Love all of your life experience.

Surely The Rain Must Come

2009-06-09T04:10:00.000-04:00

" Thunder is not yet rain." - Kenya

It rains often in my town, so I have become accustomed to the thunder that often precedes it. How then is it that I experience impatience when I have asked Spirit to hear my desires, and even though I am certain that the "rain" will come, I am simply annoyed with the "thunder?" Like thunder, challenges in our lives disturb our sense of peace. Shocking in their sudden distraction from our quiet enjoyment of life, challenges blast away our belief in justice. Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why must I wait? Our cries are filled with blame, as if the thunder were wrong. The thunder sounds a clarion call, announcing the imminent arrival of rain. Challenges are an announcement of the imminent arrival of a new, more exciting horizon opening up new possibilities.

News of people taking their own lives and those of others because of economic losses are examples of an investment in illusion, a focus on shame and powerlessness, and a perception of inability to imagine a future. The world continues to unfold brilliantly. Spirit shines a light on the possibilities, so we must simply open our eyes and pay attention.

The shock of loss brings us to a forked path. One path leads us to Spirit, another leads us away from our true selves. The lightning that accompanies the thunder can either light the way with its brilliance or frighten us into retreating from treasures that await our acceptance of them. We need only ask, and the universe will set in motion more than we could ever imagine, because surely the rain must come.

Two and Two

2009-06-08T10:20:00.000-04:00

" In the world all things are two and two." - Tanzania

We are born to connect, one to another, and another, and another. Connected to our mothers in the womb, we know that we are not alone. When we emerge into the world of humans, we miss the connection we experienced and long to reconnect with that joy.

We felt safe in the sea of amniotic fluid, and comfortable in our relationship with the sound of a warmly beating heart. And then the unimaginable happened: we released ourselves from the comfort zone of the womb, and ventured out to explore the life that we were promised. We found ourselves dependent on a few others, and still knew that a different relationship was available to us, so we grew and grew more, until we could assert our needs and wants, and release ourselves from the dependency that interfered with our journey toward wholeness.
As we continued our journey, we encountered challenges that seemed to threaten our sense of safety, so we sought refuge in others. We enjoyed the temporary connections with others, but we soon realized that no matter how close we became, something was missing. We tried to shake off the feeling of being alone, invisible, but it clung to us. Soon we adopted an illusion of being separate from others, out of a desperate need to prevent disappointment.

There is another story of our lives. Each of us is eternally connected to Spirit; the relationship is as strong and enduring as the universe itself. We are never alone. Present always as we explore human relationships is our powerful relationship with Spirit. Comfort surrounds us, even when the world presents challenges for us.

When we establish close, unhealthy ties with our possessions, Spirit is there, as a dependable friend, showing us what we can be in the future, moreso than what we can have. When we lose those same possessions, Spirit is there, as one who reminds us of who we are, and that there is no lack, only the illusion of it. When we feel powerless in the face of economic concerns, Spirit shines a brilliant light on possibilities, and we soon find ways to have a future. We realize our own goodness, in the encompassing arms of Spirit.

When we feel shame because of our perceived failures, Spirit warms us with unconditional love. When we learn from the model of love that Spirit demonstrates continuously for us, we learn to trust again, and we are then ready to continue our journey toward wholeness, two and two.

Us and Them

2009-06-07T04:23:00.000-04:00

" Their mosquito won't bite me." - Cote d'Ivoire

I'm fascinated by the relationship between division and multiplication: virtually two sides of the same coin. The mathematical relationship reminds me of the way in which I divide things in my world, when in fact I have the opportunity to multiply them. I'm able to multiply the benefits in my relationships when I give up the notion that we are separate, that we are divided. Arrogant thinking may in fact cause a break in a relationship, while empathy and love have a multiplier effect in our lives, drawing people closer to us. I'm aware of my judgments having a divisive nature, while suspending judgments in my relationships gives me more time and energy to appreciate others.

One particularly poignant effect of honoring my spiritual connection to others is that I give up ludicrous thoughts of being somehow better than they are. My pointing finger becomes an open hand, and my accusing eye softens so that I can see all that a person is spiritually. Their "mosquito" has the same biting capabilities as my mosquito.

Why are we making this comparison anyway? Could it be that we are afraid that if we connect with others, we may lose our own identity? The Spirit within us, our real identity, gains no advantage from meaningless comparisons, subtractions from our joyful experience of life. If we want to add joy to our life, we must be ready to multiply the joy in our relationships, by releasing the need to engage in an "us vs. them" thinking.

Universal Spirit has created a world that thrives on diversity through the multiplier effects of connection. Each of us has an unique relationship with each other; the essence of the relationship is our connection with All-There-Is. When we nurture our relationships with each other, Spirit's presence multiplies in our life, and when we choose to separate ourselves from others, we deny ourselves the opportunity to experience Life fully.

Coincidence

2009-06-06T04:36:00.000-04:00

" The man on his feet carries off the share of the man sitting down." - Guinea

It seems that throughout many parts of our world, action is a preferred behavior over reflection. Whether it's getting products to market or getting children to school, we move from activity to activity, sometimes wondering at the end of our day whether we have in fact accomplished anything. I have come to believe that another concept has merit: Don't just do something, sit there!

When I reflect at the beginning of the day, I think about what I must do for sure, and I anticipate the day by appreciating who I am in relationship with Spirit. My life is a culmination of all that I have become, and the day before me is a continuation of the best of me. Spirit's presence in my quiet moments, assures me that all is well, and that all that I desire to accomplish is possible, so I need not add the tension of restlessness or striving to make my desires a reality. Perfection is what we strive for in our relentless activity, and what we can enjoy is the perfection of Spirit moving with us as we take action throughout our days.

We are active beings, living fully as we invest time and energy into the unfolding of our lives, but must we compete with the perfectly unfolding movement of the universe? That is a competition designed for disappointment. It is our penchant for action so that we may "get our share" that can stand in the way of the glorious gifts of life. If we let go of our desire to control the events of our lives, and be aware of what is unfolding before our very eyes, we will come face to face effortlessly with what we desire.

I sometimes reflect on a direction I want for my consulting business, such as more clients in the southeast or more coaching opportunities. I think about how I want to rebalance my business with less travel or sometimes more travel. I sometimes wonder about the welfare of a friend or my daughter. My reflection, thinking and wondering are enough for the ever-present, always listening Spirit to respond. I only need to be patient, and let Spirit do the work of responding. I then get a call for more coaching, I notice that I am traveling less or more, and the telephone rings with my friend or daughter on the phone.

All of us experience what many call coincidence. These events in our lives are indeed coincidences, spiritual co -incidences. The thinking action, one incidence, and Spirit's response, another incidence, are coincidences. Spirit's response is unwavering in response-ability.
When we reflect we are thinking. When we wonder about something or someone we are thinking. When we are aware of something or someone we are thinking. Our thoughts have power, so our action is to think thoughts that serve us well , to pay attention to our feelings, and to be aware of the unconditional love that Spirit eagerly delivers to us. There is no end to the abundance of the universe.

Your share is determined by your thoughts, feelings and appreciation of what you have right now. When the abundance flows like a waterfall of well-being, we must be ready to flow with Spirit and enjoy the co-incidence. Spirit is all there is.

Yes

2009-06-05T08:19:00.000-04:00

" The toad likes water but not when it's boiling." - Guinea

We like to see the weather in the southeastern region of the USA warm up a bit during the spring, but during the summer - not so much. The summers can be relentless in abundant sunshine and profuse moisture that hangs in the air like steam in a small bathroom.

When I went to Ghana several years ago, I experienced intense heat that caused me to increase my usually limited consumption of water to several bottles throughout the day. I arrived home 10 pounds lighter and happy with the unexpected benefit of sweating profusely. But Ghana also gave me cool nighttime breezes from the ocean and spirited connections with people in the markets and various places I visited. I laughed and danced and was warmed by the hospitality and gracious invitations of the people I met. In the stillness of the night, I experienced the replay of the intensity of the day, and realized the blessings of my being there.

When the heat turns upward, we take positions and make changes in our lives. We may focus our energy and thoughts on the discomfort of the heat and change to different clothing or seek refuse in air-conditioned spots. We may be grateful for the absence of the cold, and plan to absorb as much of the sun and heat as possible or we may bask in the beauty and presence of Spirit in the changing seasons. Our various positions can determine how we experience the changes in temperature.

When our world heats up with challenging situations, we notice our discomfort, and we have memories of more peaceful times, so we can realize that all is temporary. Some of us change our view of the situation, finding peace in the midst of the chaos. Some of us are relieved, saying "Things could be a lot worse," and express our gratitude to Spirit.

We may also respond by allowing Spirit to be more fully recognized in our life, trusting that everything changes because the universe moves. We realize that in any challenging situation, Spirit's presence is our way through, around, over or under the obstacle. The way is to be present in the still moments when we focus on the silence, when we stop doing and start saying yes to Spirit. We say yes because we know that our discomfort is known, our questions are answered, and our requests are already fulfilled. Say yes to Spirit, and the waters will quiet down to a simmer. The water is our life; Spirit invites us into the flow.

Giving Love

2009-06-04T04:52:00.000-04:00

"He who receives a gift does not measure. " - Kenya

My mother used to say that even if I didn't particularly like a gift I received that I should appreciate it because " it's the thought that counts." Gift giving is at best a delicate activity. Sometimes we receive gifts from others that are not to our liking, and may even be a bit offensive. We may attribute our bad feelings about the gifts to the insensitivity of the giver, or the giver's lack of recognition of who we are. On occasions, the receivers of gifts offer to return gifts to the giver that they do not like, or express disappointment with the choices.

Holidays (holy days), and special occasions become fraught with tensions and tentativeness about what kinds of gifts would be accepted and suitable to the receiver. Sometimes the giving of gifts becomes a kind of contest for originality, ingenuity or surprise, and often an odd statement of worth. Sometimes the packaging is as much a statement of value as the contents of the package. The game of gift-giving sacrifices the thought for appearances and illusion.

Often we're not privy to the intentions of others when they choose to give us gifts. Even though we may try to imagine their thinking, we may never have an image that matches their intention. We just know that we have been thought of in some way.

There are no imperfect gifts from Spirit. Even though infinite intelligence lovingly bestows gifts on us and gives us joy, we may not give full attention to the perfection of that power. There is a delicate dance of responsiveness and creation that generates for us a universe of abundance. The universe knows who we are, and responds fully and creatively, honoring each of us, while neglecting none of us. To Spirit, we are both significant and small, the center of attention and simply one of many. Spirit is all things to all beings, because Spirit is all there is.

Spirit is everywhere love is, so when we feel love and affection from others, Spirit is there. When the loving energy of giving shows up in our lives, Spirit is there. When others attempt to show their love the best way they can, Spirit is there. When others say I love you with their smiles and laughter or their recognition of our hopes and dreams, Spirit is there. When others think of us, holding us in their attention, Spirit is there. When we value others not for what they have to give, but for what lives in their heart, Spirit is there.

There is no beginning and no end to love, and therefore no way to measure it. Loving thoughts are gifts that we give to others and to ourselves. Love simply is.

Love Cures

2009-06-03T04:56:00.000-04:00

"There is no medicine to cure hatred." - Ashanti

Hatred is symptomatic of a turning away from Life. It is fueled by a belief in separation from others, and an irrational expectation of redemption. Instead of generating redemption, hatred emotionally severs the relationship with Spirit, like unplugging an electrical cord that generates powerful, continuously flowing energy. The stale sparks of hatred cause the holder to burn and self-destruct as he attempts to burn others. But my thoughts and behaviors can be complicit in this drama. When I turn my attention to those who hate, I inadvertently give them power.

A friend called me a few years ago hysterically laughing at the irony of a TV report of a demonstration held during a KKK rally. While men dressed in white robes and hoods rallied against a list of groups of people they hated, another small group held placards that read, "We love you anyway," "Don't be afraid,"and "Your parents did the best they could for you." My friend also reported that after a few minutes, the hooded men disbanded, failing to get the negative attention they craved.

Each person who hates has a history, a series of life experiences that create a perfect storm for hatred. Anyone can become a suspect. Eric Hoffer, in his book entitled The True Believer, traces the development of mass movements, and the emotional, political and economic factors that contribute to bigotry and hatred. Pascal wrote,"The embarassment wherein [a person] finds himself produces in him the most unjust and criminal passions imaginable, for he conceives a moral hatred against that truth which blames him and convinces him of his faults." Hatred is at the core self-hatred, and a disconnection from who we really are.

When we allow ourselves to separate from others, to establish an "us vs. them" mentality, we have begun to emotionally separate ourselves from our relationship with Spirit. I remind myself that all human beings are spiritual beings, and that we are inextricably connected spirits. Just because a human being or like-minded group gathers to justify their illusion of separateness, does not make it a spiritual reality. But if enough people focus their thoughts on some person or group they hate, the power of that collective thinking, even in its perceived disconnection from spirit, can cause sometimes unimaginable cruelty and destruction. But know that the impact of that cruelty and destruction is not only felt by the receiver, but also by the giver. One cannot give what one does not already have. Those who hate others overcompensate for their self-hatred, diminished sense of self-worth and learned helplessness.

Spirit does not recognize these foibles, but rather knows the goodness of us all, and attends lovingly to us in spite of the damage that we may do to ourselves and others. Lifting us from the depression of our lives, Spirit holds us in the light and sees us as who we really are. Spirit is the model of who we can be with others - unwavering in our determination to think thoughts that feel good; holding others in a light that envisions their recovery from shame and pain; demonstrating that abundance is overflowing; and believing that broken hearts are healed and cries for help are answered with a simple question. Who am I being right now?I know for sure that I need not demand that someone suffer because I hurt, or die because I am afraid to live fully, or agree with me because my ideas are the only truth. I can be secure in knowing that everything always works out for us, if we allow joy to replace any vestige of hatred in our lives. Love is the cure.

Your Own Business

2009-06-02T08:21:00.000-04:00

" Do not mend your neighbor's business before looking to your own." - Tanzania

J. California Cooper wrote a short story called "The Watcher" that describes a community busybody who is so busy watching others that she is unaware of her own family's destruction. The neighborhood busybody is a useful metaphor for the destructiveness of judgments and gossip, but it is more than that. What is our own business?
I believe that my business in this life is, as Joseph Campbell encouraged, to follow my bliss, not to the exclusion of others, but as a clear example of how wonderfully joyful life can be. Following my bliss in relationships is enjoying a conversation with my 78 year old sister, who delights in the antics of her grandchildren, or feeling proud of the extraordinary teacher that my 76 year old sister is, and wishing her well when she receives yet another award for her excellence. I follow my bliss when I observe the success of my young cousin who has worked hard in school to win accolades for her achievements.
When I consider how bravely my daughter meets the challenges in her life, still believing in the power of love, I know joy. When I hear the smiling voice of my grandson, who continues to light up my heart, I feel energized. The literal and figurative hugs of my Atlanta cousins, who have encouraged me through periods when I suffered with the illusion of disconnection from Spirit, and literally became dispirited, have helped to light the way to reconnection. They are continual beacons of compassion and unconditional love. When a long-time friend calls to chat, and we talk for 2 hours, I leave the conversation appreciating friendship and compassion. When I go for long walks with my little poodle and delight in his curiosity and energy, I am reminded of the simplicity of joy.
Spirit shows me what my business is each day; often the bliss of the experience keeps me busy into the night. What stands out for you as blissful in your experience? Are you following your bliss?

Voice of Spirit

2009-06-01T04:51:00.000-04:00

" When the heart overflows, it comes out through the mouth." - Ethiopia

The words," I love you," have long held enormous power. What do the words actually mean today? What motivates us to express them? In Diane Ackerman's book, The Natural History of Love, she examines ideas about love from Plato's "perfect union" to attachment theory. Plato believed that people in a relationship are two incomplete halves, while attachment theorists believe that love is an escape from self into unhealthy attachments to others. Many theorists are concerned about the results of the loss of the person who is attached as the reason for emotional disturbance and self-destructive behavior.
Marianne Williamson writes in Enchanted Love, "You will not be lonely today because my love is here for you. I see you in the arms of God, and know that we are there together." Whether we think we are completing ourselves in union with another or forming an attachment or clinging to another, we are seeking the power of a loving relationship. But we are not powerless in this world, and our relationship with Spirit is complete and eternal. Other relationships are temporary reassurances that we are not alone in this world, but our spiritual bond is infinite.
When we love, we are living from our soul, and expressing the Spirit within us. Unexpressed love leaves us feeling stuck, because the Spirit within us, the love that we came to this life to be, must flow from us.
Keeping love to ourselves is like attempting to stop the flow of a waterfall with a spoon! Love is a powerful flow of energy that we can use to power our compassion, authenticity, and presence. Many of us say that we must acknowledge the Spirit within us and let God into our lives, but as Paul Gonyea of the Spiritual Living Center once said, "we must let God out." When we are filled with Spirit, we express our love freely.
Some of us may feel reluctant to express love too often or too quickly in our relationships, because of fear of rejection, or concerns about not receiving an expression of love in return. Some of us on the other hand may be reluctant to hold their expressions of love, because they believe it is expected of them. How many of us say "I love you," when we don't really mean it? How often do we regret having said "I love you" to another in an intimate encounter, too soon? Spirit is love unconditionally expressing itself through us, without respect to timing or strategy. Love simply is. When we make our loving relationships instrumental or part of a bargain, we construct shadows and uncertainties around the energy of the soul that Love is. Each moment of our lives is an opportunity to love. How will you let Spirit out today?

Asking For It

2009-05-31T04:54:00.000-04:00

" Unless you call out, who will open the door?" - Ethiopia

A culturally diverse world can be characterized many ways. Edward Hall wrote about high and low context cultures. Others have touted locus of control as a key to differences. Carol Gilligan many years ago wrote about gender differences with Women's Ways of Knowing. Other scholars have trotted out concepts about world views, axiologies, and phenomenologies. All of these views attempt to gain greater understanding of who other people really are and what motivates there attention to some things and not to others.

I have pondered for some time the notion that we could take yet another look at our possibilities as individuals and groups: Are we telling-oriented people or asking-oriented people? As telling -oriented people, we assume control of situations or challenges. I used to say, when faced with a challenge, "No worry, I'll work it out!" My arrogance assumed that it was all up to me. A so-called can-do attitude was and still is rewarded. Force was more attractive than power.

Aggressive behavior was long ago tempered with assertiveness as a better strategy for getting what you want, but that too gave way to more aggression cloaked in manipulative language. As our exposure to the global community grows, we find ourselves wanting people to want what we want, and see things as we do. We still wonder what to do to manage the resistance of others, because we want to reach a peaceful, satisfying resolution of conflicts.

Asking-oriented people don't make assumptions, with the possible exception that they will get an answer, even if the answer is silence. Asking-oriented people are not so much interested in how something can be worked out, so much as being open to possibilities, and having a willingness to be surprised by an answer. Asking-oriented people trust that there is an answer, but are willing to wait patiently for things to be made clear. Asking-oriented people see conflict as a path to understanding and an opportunity to engage with others.

Neither telling-oriented people nor asking-oriented people are good or bad; the complex diversity in the universe can support different experiences of life. I believe that an expanding universe thrives on diversity.

How I choose to be in this life is a person who asks for what I want, and when I receive it to acknowledge the source of my treasure. Spirit responds when I ask, and offers not only clarity, but understanding and peace. When I call out, the door opens. When I ask, it is given every time, but I must know what I am asking for, so that when I get the good news, I can spread the word. Asking sets off a chain of events that make my heart sing! I have a desire, a prayer, or a recognition of not feeling good about something, and then I ask Spirit to send me the capacity to respond to an answer that I know will come. I then indulge in rampant appreciation of my life as it is now, right now. When the door opens, I am greeted with extraordinary grace, and welcomed to a new joyful space. Call out to Spirit and wait patiently and joyfully, because the door will open.

Running for Joy

2009-05-30T04:39:00.000-04:00

" One who runs alone cannot be outrun by another." - Ethiopia

There is an odd comfort in being alone. My sense of independence allows me to choose the course of my day and relish quiet moments. For more than 25 years, I have "run" alone. In spite of the peacefulness and lack of competition for my thoughts that being alone brings, I am really never alone for long periods of time. A telephone call or an urgent email message calls me from my "aloneness," and coaxes me into a world of contrasts. Relishing my aloneness can easily turn to loneliness if I'm not careful about being aware of my needs. Balancing being alone and feeling alone can be a delicate exercise for those who live alone. In the stillness of our space we can experience an existential aloneness, although it is an illusion. Spirit is always with us. Always. There is something we seek whether alone or engaged with others, and we are creating it each time we feel the Spirit within us. We want to feel fully alive and connected to Spirit.

As a person moving through this life, I am intrigued by the counsel of James Thurber who wrote, " Each man must learn before he dies, what he is running to, and from, and why."

What are we running to? No matter what I do, I seem to be running headlong into well-being. No matter how much I create challenges for myself, the universe responds with a recipe for peace. No matter how much I whine about what I don't have, or what I wish I could experience, the universe responds with gifts to appreciate. There is more evidence of abundance in my life than I can fully comprehend. I try to pay attention to the continuous flow of well-being, and then run through my life with a glide like Catherine Nyambura Ndereba, the greatest female Kenyan marathon runner in the history of marathons. I cannot be outrun by negativity, because I am appreciating the continual victories in life.

What are we running from? I am running from fear like the plague that it is. There are times when fear pursues me, or tries to break my stride and slow me down. I don't resist it because that would simply draw attention to it and embolden the rascal to overtake me in my stride, but I am aware of its potential power.
Instead, I try to turn my attention to love, and find ways to express love in my writing, while I'm walking my dog, when I'm doing my work, when I'm listening to a friend or family member on a long distance call, or occasionally when I am preparing a meal. Love runs with me, encouraging me to allow the well-being to come into my life. Love sits with me during quiet moments, and laughs with me during joyous ones. Love does not compete; love simply is there for me. I cannot imagine a universe without it.

Why are we running to and from, here and there? Life seldom follows a straight path. Whether or not we take "the road less traveled by", our paths will meander. I've often marveled at folks who plan their careers with specific details, and then carry them out as planned. Sometimes plans change. I once met a former psychiatrist, who was happily selling vending machines. He shared, with some anxiety, his scripted life as the son and grandson of successful psychiatrists. He had attended prestigious universities, and after an internship and long residency in psychiatry, he grew his New York practice into a successful business. He also recounted some fond memories of his educational journey, but his demeanor changed when he described the practice of psychiatry.

One day, after 10 years of practice, the view of his life changed, when he reflected on the meaning of his life and questioned his state of being. His work lacked joy for him, so he sold his practice, and started a new business. We often believe that if we take certain actions in our life, we will feel good. We believe that if we have certain things - a lucrative career, a large bank account, or a permanent, committed relationship - that we will feel good.

Benjamin Franklin reportedly once said that "Anticipation is more enjoyable that realization." We run here and there because of the journey, the joy of anticipation. As soon as we reach a destination, we want more, so we start a new journey. We cannot fully experience the future during our journey, but we can feel good as we move toward it.
Robert Bly's book title so wonderfully reminds us that, " The Soul is Here for Its Own Joy." All that we do or think we want is our attempt to feel happiness, to feel joy. We run here and there in our search for joy, but feel true bliss in the nurturing breath of Spirit, our constant companion no matter where we run.

The Wave and the Sea

2009-05-29T04:41:00.000-04:00

" Children are the reward of life." - Congo

Even if one is not a parent, one can know the experience of parenting, through the experience of being or having been a child. A friend of mine has a keen interest in parenting skills and what she perceives to be the lack of effective parenting that she has witnessed during her 30 years as an educator. Such an awesome responsibility as parenting a child does warrant a clear understanding of the covenant and commitment to the child. But... what is a good parent?

According to Toni Morrison, Pulitzer Prize winning author, when a parent smiles as a child enters a room, the parent communicates love. Being a loving spirit is at the core of parenting. A smile generates a feeling that can assure a child that all is well. According to a study several years ago in Sweden, people have difficulty responding to a smile with a frown. The respondents in the study had greater ease in responding to frowns with frowns and smiles with smiles. Smiles cause smiles, and smiles feel good to us. Smiles release tension, can help us to regain composure, and are generally contagious. Smiles are hugs without touch and connection without voice. Spirit smiles as we become aware of its joyful presence in our lives. Spirit parents us.

Spirit models for us what a parent is: intelligent, responsive, unconditionally loving, reliable, truthful, understanding, and present. Through the presence of Spirit, we learn to experience joyfulness; feel secure in unconditional love; reap the rewards of responsiveness, cultivate faith and trust in relationships; and know the origin of our existence in this life.

Children are connected to parents in a spiritual bond that is the foundation for a physical or biological relationship. Each of us has parents of this world, but our broader heritage is infinite. Consider the vastness of the sea and the beauty of the waves, emerging from the sea. For a brief time, the awesome waves appear, but then disappear into the sea once more. A well-known zen expression is that "the wave and the sea are one," a profound testimony to our fluid and natural relationship with Spirit.

Kahlil Gibran once wrote, "Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself." There are limits to our biological bonds with our children, but the wave and the sea are inextricably bound to one another, and although we clearly identify the wave as separate from the larger body, we recognize that the wave emerged from the sea, and returned to it. Citing the origin of children, Gibran writes, " They come through you but not from you. And though they are with you yet they belong not to you." Spirit's connection to us is unparalleled in human experience. Our relationship with Spirit is our existence; it is our source and our home, our comfortable place and our model for being.

As a parent, I know that my personal influence had impact most strongly during the early years of my daughter's life, before she was aware of her unlimited choices in life. A parent has a brief window of opportunity to influence a child. Our illusion of control withers as we come to grips with the truth that "our children are not our children," they are waves of beautiful energy from Spirit. What remains available for me as a parent is the joy of loving my daughter - being responsive, reliable, truthful, understanding and present.

Saving Grace

2009-05-28T04:45:00.000-04:00

" One cannot both feast and become rich." - Ashanti

There is no lack, even though some economists lament the days when people at all socioeconomic levels consumed with seeming reckless abandon, and kept the economy rolling to newer and newer heights. The appetite for consumption has changed; now even those who saved resources hesitate to invest in a declining economy. There are those of us who invested in the belief that the accumulation of money was the single definition of wealth and abundance. Was the goal all along to become rich and successful, or was it to experience joy? Was consumption an act of poor judgment, or a belief in unlimited abundance? How could the feast have left us hungry? How could our temporary accumulation of wealth have left us...poor?
With a strong desire to be happy, we entered a forest, and lost our way.
David Wagoner wrote a powerful poem called "Lost." In his poem, he assures us that even though we feel lost in a forest, we are not really lost at all, because " the forest knows where you are." He encourages us to "stand still and it will find you." We notice what is happening to us when we simply stand still. We're able to get our bearings, know where we are, when we stand still and experience the present moment. When we experience loss, we sometimes focus on where we should be, or where we used to be, not so much where we are now. When we fully comprehend and feel what is happening now, we feel the Spirit moving within us. The universe knows where we are.

What happens in the stillness? We see more and feel more; our feelings generate clear thoughts about what we really want: love, joy and peace. We become conscious of the creative spirit within us. Recriminations, blame and guilt give way to self-forgiveness, healing and hope. Energized by Spirit, we find ways to thrive. We realize that we are never lost, because the Universe is perfectly unfolding at all times, and assures us that we can be found. The universe is abundant well-being - all the happiness that we seek - and will always be our saving grace.

Rescue

2009-05-27T04:03:00.000-04:00

"If you try to cleanse others, like soap you will waste away in the process." - Madagascar

Many of us have heard the advice, "Feed a man a fish and he eats for a day, but teach a man to fish and he eats for a lifetime." Some of us cherish our independence, our ability to "fish" on our own terms. Others seek a protector and develop a keen radar-like sense of who will rescue them. The rescuer and the rescued are a symbiotic pair for a while. Each appreciates and clings to the other. But the relationship wavers and can become unsustainable, because it changes. Weary from being the supporter, caretaker or financier, the rescuer begins to feel victimized and trapped. Unless there is relief, the victimized will eventually become the persecutor in the relationship, being overcome with resentment. In each of the roles, like soap, the rescuer wastes away. Tired and weary, the rescuer is keenly aware of feeling really bad most of the time.

The rescued feels a sense of comfort from being supported at first, and then finds ways to be appreciative, but also feels a growing sense of shame. Feeling more and more dependent, the rescued feels powerless, maybe even worthless, and emotions range from despair to anger to frustration. As the emotions of the rescued continue to descend into a dispirited dependency, neediness becomes the way they define themselves, and they begin to spiritually waste away. Separated from an awareness of a relationship with Spirit, the rescued is keenly aware of feeling really bad most of the time.

There is a way to "teach a person to fish" that is instructive for both the rescuer and the rescued. I remind myself daily that each person is a spiritual being with full response from the Universal Spirit. When I attempt to rescue someone, I am denying their birthright, but also, I am attempting to rescue myself.
Nothing is too difficult for Spirit to address, and when a need becomes a thought, the universe springs into motion. Each of us has the capacity to thrive and enjoy the freedom of joy and love, when we trust in our relationship with Spirit. The rescuer seeks joy and love in rescuing, but the love that is sought is already a birthright, a given. We need only to unwrap the gifts we receive. There is something to appreciate every day, that sometimes goes unnoticed, hidden sometimes in our attention to what's seemingly not working for us in our lives.

I try to pay attention to the beauty of the day, the small kindnesses of strangers, the songs of the birds, or the other subtleties of experience that populate my day. Joy can be subtle. I have noticed that when my attention is turned to all that is good, I feel the power of the Spirit, and the sense of my own worth and power. When I allow the one relationship that is most significant in my life to be acknowledged, I am a better model for others.

It is only by example that we can teach a person to fish, to thrive. When we eat voraciously from the table of spiritual wellness, we release ourselves from needing to feed others, because we realize that each of us is fully capable of sitting joyfully at the same table. God is all there is. Claim your birthright.

Modeling

2009-05-26T04:40:00.000-04:00

" Seeing is different from being told." -Kenya

A few years ago, I decided to study the Japanese language. I registered for a noncredit course at a local community college, and eagerly awaited the start of classes. On the first night of instruction, a teacher entered the class and immediately began to speak Japanese. I was thrust into the sounds of the language, but my visual preferences were denied until she went to the board and began to write as she spoke certain words. I remember vividly how I felt when I saw the Japanese characters written on the board. When she satisfied my visual sense, I began to understand. Within minutes of seeing the unfamiliar words, I became comfortable with the learning and the language. That experience was an instance of literal seeing, but there are other ways that we see. When we say, "I see, " we can also mean, "I understand." When we see, we are connected with something visually, intellectually, emotionally and spiritually. As human beings, we can touch as a way to see, or use other senses to see, and begin to understand our experience. We see images of life with our eyes, and see the power of God with our spiritual awareness.

We sometimes want others to see things our way. We inform them of what we see, and then encourage them to see things as we do. The changes in perspectives that we encourage from others, don't happen as we expect. Sometimes we are disappointed in their apparent resistance to change.

If we want others to change their view, we must change our view of them. We live in a positive universe. People are changing according to what makes sense for them, what they see as part of their experience. How we see them is based in part on how we see ourselves, and how connected we are to who we really are. Since we are all spiritual beings, our capacity to change is not only possible but likely, given our ever-growing desires for well-being. If we want to have followers, we can model for others who we really are, and speak from the heart; we can behave in ways that are consistent with what others can see in us.

As we change inwardly, we open up our eyes, our minds, our hearts and our spirit so that others can see us clearly. We can then be a presence in the lives of others through our authenticity, our realness of spirit. We can be models for others only when we have done the inside work that makes our deeds as spiritually grounded as our words. What is the model you offer to others?

Full Mirror

2009-05-25T04:56:00.000-04:00

" When you are rich, you are hated; when you are poor, you are despised." - Ashanti

Before I go out for an important meeting, I make certain that I look into a full-length mirror to know that my appearance meets my approval. If the image looking back at me is not what I intended, I hurriedly make a change.

When I look at others, I sometimes make the assumption that I have a responsibility to try to change the image of themselves that they have from their own mirror. I have no such right. My responsibility is to suspend my judgments and examine my own intentions.

Bailouts blues and CEO compensation criticisms are running through the news like a migraine headache. Laid off workers and disappearing businesses are considered collateral damage from an economy in crisis. A jittery public sees shadowy fears in its hysterical mirror. Like a fun house mirror at an amusement park, the world's illusion gives us a distorted reflection of the reality of our lives. Projections and forecasts thrust us into an unknown future, one that is still being created, and our looking back to past mistakes depresses our spirit with fears and recriminations.

Nothing seems to encourage judgments more than money or the lack of it. Instead of looking at money as energy, we sometimes ascribe unwarranted powers to it: control of others, status in the community, moral authority. When we broaden our view of money as simply one aspect of the abundant flow of energy in the universe, we can relax our focus on simply accumulating money, and allow ourselves to experience the full mirror, the full abundance of spiritual awakening.

An abundant universe is a flow of well-being that contradicts the idea of lack. A friend's caring inquiry into my health, a call or text message from my grandson, my dog's loving eyes, a beautiful sunrise, a vigorous rain that washes the sidewalks, a quiet Sunday afternoon, the gift of the senses, bringing more of life to my awareness, and an appreciative consulting client - all these are parts of the abundant flow of the universe. What I experience is too much to enumerate; there is no lack, there is only the perception of it.

We always have what we need; we must only look fully in the mirror of our lives to allow it to become a reality. I whined to a friend recently that it seems that I never seem to have more money than I need, but always just enough. He said, "If you have enough, that's all you need!" In the present moment, right now, where Spirit lives, we always have what we need.

Whether a person has lots of money or very little, the person's life experience is flowing in the direction of more and more, because life continues to expand and evolve. Our judgments about others, particularly the material possessions of others, can keep us out of the flow, and can get us stuck and disconnected from ourselves as loving spirits. We get moving again in the flow when we appreciate where we are now, have faith that we are never abandoned by Spirit, and realize that the universe is always listening lovingly to our thoughts and desires.

What do you enjoy about your full mirror? Experience the love manifested moment by moment in your life.

Our Village

2009-05-24T04:17:00.000-04:00

" The friends of our friends are our friends." - Congo

As people move away from their family of origin and settle in places around the country and world, the extended family "village" becomes less and less a reality. Many have begun to create a network of friends online through social networking sites like LinkedIn, Plaxo and Facebook, etc. Surprisingly, my own presence on some sites allows me to connect with people with whom I've had very little contact for years. As the network extends, I can create an extended "family" of sorts. Somehow the lack of real, personal contact with online connections still leaves me wanting more.
In July this year, my extended family will meet in Las Vegas for a family reunion. It's a hot spot for a gathering in July, but the attraction for me is still there, because of the potential to feel the spirit of the family, up close and personal. They are my biological, familial village.
There is another village for us. We in the human family are connected to everyone and everything in the universe. When we feel isolated, unconnected, and alone with our challenges in daily life, we can find comfort in the reality that we exist as part of a larger consciousness that is Spirit. Our influence is extensive when we choose to release our illusion of separateness. It's true that we have friends who have friends who have friends, but we can know that the range of our connections is infinite. Wherever I am, Spirit will appear and wherever my friends are Spirit is also. Spirit has no end; friendship has no end. Welcome new friends into your life; they are part of your extended family, your spiritual village.

Homesickness

2009-05-23T04:28:00.000-04:00

" The roof fights with the rain, but he who is sheltered ignores it." - Wolof

One morning as I was walking my dog, I discovered a homeless woman sleeping on a bench with a plastic bag over her for protection from the light rain she had weathered during the night. When I passed by the bench, I said, "Good Morning!" She happily replied " Good Morning, it's beautiful this morning." She then pulled a book from a frayed bag and began to read with seemingly rapt attention to the words on the "dog-eared "pages of the book.

Home, however one experiences it, is not only a place, but a thought and a feeling that shelters us from fears. We think of ourselves as safe and sound, and feel secure in our body and mind. Sometimes the "fight" that rages around us, influences our thoughts and disturbs us, and then we become home-sick. We take in reports of conflicts around the world, and sometimes feel sad because of the plight of the downtrodden, abused or disadvantaged. We say,"But for the grace of God, go I." We think we are being spared, because we are good people, who make good choices. We willingly give an audience to the thoughts and destructive creations of others, and allow their aggressions to "rain on our day." But we feel lucky to be at home with our lives and supporters, and vigorously seek to maintain our seeming advantage.
But as time goes on, our focus on what's wrong with the world overtakes our thoughts and feelings. We begin to think that the "roof" no longer shelters us. We miss the beauty of the day, because our minds are filled with images of disaster. Homesickness is a desire to reconnect with Spirit, when we sense that we are on a path that feels bad. All sickness is homesickness. We want to know that the roof is there to fight with the thoughts that do not serve us well. We want to be confident that the roof will not leave us exposed and "homeless."
A roof is a thought we place on ourselves, wisely. Our roofs are the way we frame our existence: connected, loved and peaceful. Shelter can be a metaphor for peace - "it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work, it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart."(unknown author) We can come to realize that we always have a roof as long as we have thoughts, and that wherever we are Spirit lives.

Flexibility

2009-05-22T03:22:00.000-04:00

" The wind does not break a tree that bends." - Sukuma

Deforestation of palm trees in tropical parts of the world leaves the land nakedly vulnerable to high winds that can cause destruction of property and lives. Palm trees bend with the wind, welcoming the strength by yielding to it.
The flexibility of palm trees reminds me of "push hands practice," a martial arts practice I dallied with several years ago. Push hands is a synchronized pushing of hands with a challenger. The more relaxed the engagement with the other, the more sensitive one becomes to nuances of changes in rhythm. The more flexible the opponent, the more difficult it is to defeat him. It is the rigidity of movement that causes an unnatural shift in balance. Flexible power rather than force provides the energy needed to be effective.

When I practiced years ago, as long as my movement was relaxed and fluid, I could be "rooted" and unmovable. When I remained flexible in my movements with the other, and able to look with "soft eyes" at the rhythm of our mutuality, I could not be defeated. But when there is a visceral awareness of a slight change in balance of the other person, it is possible to push him with the tip of a finger, and send him flying, off balance, across the room.

Fixed, rigid thinking can in an instant put me off balance. If I dare to believe that I have the complete truth about anything, I am making myself vulnerable to intractability, a dangerous certainty in an evolving world. If I look at a situation with soft eyes, I can allow myself to be surprised, and open myself to different points of view or new experiences. Like a skilled push hands practitioner, I can pay attention to the nuances of my life, bending with the challenges, taking in new information, and knowing that if I stay rooted in the power of Spirit, I will not break.

The Energy of Victory

2009-05-21T05:47:00.000-04:00

" When spider webs unite, they can tie up a lion." - Ethiopia

A new book by Seth Godin called Tribes describes the creation of a movement, and the use of technology to develop and sustain active followers. Godin cites the recent Obama/Biden campaign as evidence of a successfully orchestrated movement. The "tribe" is human energy fueled by passion and purpose. The Obama tribe is a web of individual participants who engage with one another around sometimes disparate beliefs but a common focus - victory. Unlike the traditional meaning ascribed to a tribe as an insulated group with impermeable boundaries, the tribe that Godin describes is more like spreading water from a fast-moving stream. As single drops, the water is vulnerable to evaporation, while as a stream, its presence can be known and expanded. People in a tribe care less about individual recognition and more about accomplishing something for the group, or the community.

We are all born into a powerful tribe, an infinite stream of love and joy. The stream moves and expands as we remember who we are and where we are going. Our purpose is to bask in our birthright every day in order to give life to our dreams. Our passion is to seek the evidence of the joy in our life, and our purpose is to appreciate it. When we are joy-full, we are models for others. The infectious nature of our insistence on love and joy will influence the capacity of others to have hope and faith.

There are those of us who want to improve the condition of many people who lack resources or understanding of choices available to them. Sometimes, we simply want to make life better for those we love. Like Mother Teresas, we may even devote our lives to lifting up the downtrodden, or attempting to save others from their destructive fears and devastation. We sometimes inadvertently focus more attention on what people lack, and less on the possibilities of their lives. When other people face difficult challenges, we can hold in our awareness the possibilities for their healing, success and freedom from fear. By modeling our belief in well-being, we are deliberately influencing others to claim their own victory. By continually providing evidence of our own emergence from fear and lack, we are building a case for joy and abundance. By turning our attention to who we really are, expressions of Spirit, we free ourselves and others from an illusion of defeat. Spirit is all-there-is in the universe. Spread the news!

Where You Are Planted

2009-05-20T05:16:00.000-04:00

" A cow must graze where she is tied." - Sierre Leone

Before apartheid ended officially in South Africa, I visited the emotionally, educationally and politically torn country. I marveled at the beauty of the country's landscape from Johannesburg to Durban to Capetown, and the heart-rending devastation of the people. With a wealth of natural resources and intellectual capital, the country still suffered from oppression and greed. I traveled in Capetown, where Table Mountain rose majestically from the earth, and flowers of unimaginable beauty sprang from the earth, unaware of the aching hearts lingering on the edge of life in a nearby Kyelisha shantytown. Yet in the midst of the hardship, a young Black South African teen studied by candlelight with 7 other family members as an audience in a 5 by 5 shack that she called home. Hidden from the view of more advantaged Cape Town residents, the teenager persevered and passed her matriculation exams, a necessity in order to graduate from the equivalent of high school. Tied only to her ambition and belief in her future, she grazed for a chance to be free, and was fed by a desire to realize her purpose in life. When I face challenges that pale in comparison to hers, I am thankful for the lesson of her experience and my opportunity to witness her resilient spirit. Thich Nhat Hanh has said, " Freedom is not given to us by anyone;we have to cultivate it ourselves. It is a daily practice... No one can prevent you from being aware of each step you take or each breath in and out." Bloom where you are planted. Spirit is with you with every breath.

Being Enough

2009-05-19T04:13:00.000-04:00

" Copying everybody all the time, the monkey one day cut his throat." - Zulu

Someone once said that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but what is actually implied in the act of imitation? Imitation mitigates feelings associated with the lack of significance. It is both an offering of oneself and a desire for significance, leaving us vulnerable to the opinions and behaviors of others as a way to feel recognized.

Don Miguel Ruiz, author of The Four Agreements offers some insights. One of his agreements is " Don't take anything personally." As a first reaction to that suggestion, I focus on not allowing a negative remark about me to ruin my day, because it's not personal, right? But, it's the word anything that actually catches my attention. The word anything includes compliments! Ruiz suggests that even compliments should not be taken personally, because we may come to depend upon them to make us feel good. But when I think about my own motives in complimenting someone, my thoughts and emotions go through an interesting process. First, I have a sensation that what I am experiencing is something pleasant, then I realize that the target of my good feeling is outside of myself. Once I believe that I am separate from what I am experiencing, I become anxious, because I believe that I lack something. I then want to connect with the object of such good feelings, so I use words to engage with the person - I offer a compliment. I also seed a desire to have what I am seeing or experiencing, even though I may think that attaining what another person has is greedy, frivolous, or impossible.

But there's a way to look at this process through a different lens. I can start with the idea that I am always enough for the moment, even though I am continually evolving. Through my connection with Spirit, I cannot ever lack anything. Then, as I experience life, I understand that I am an architect of my reality and that there is no separation between the experiencer and the experience. A statement from Anais Nin expresses this concept - "We see things not as they are, but as we are."

When I understand that I am enough, I release my feeling of lack, because the two thoughts cannot coexist. I begin to believe that all things are possible with Spirit, an Infinite Power. With my newfound empowerment, I get busy with my life, and while I continue to appreciate what I experience, I recognize that it is my experience - I recognize my participation. We are always enough.

Looking Inward

2009-05-18T04:00:00.000-04:00

" The eye is a coward."- Kalenjin ( Kenya)

For some time now, I have resisted watching the local, evening news on television. It's not so much that I don't want to know what's going on, it's just that the news dramatically encourages me to adopt new fears that leave me feeling vulnerable and powerless. I so easily forget that I am never alone in this life, and that I am powerful energy from Spirit. I have longed for a way to conceptualize and experience pain or challenges without allowing it to consume me or frighten me.
Pema Chodron, an American Buddhist nun, offers a meditative practice called "tonglen," as a way to allow transformative spirit to manage our life challenges. The practice is a kind of prayer that encourages a person to imagine that the hurt or pain one feels can be breathed in with full recognition that many others have at one time experienced similar hurts or pain, and then can be breathed out as peace and comfort, doing so for oneself and all others who have experienced the suffering. The result is an experience of connection to Spirit as peace, well-being, and enduring love. Tonglen is an act of compassion, or sorrow with others, and at the same time a way to rejoice in the inevitability of well-being. Compassion can clear my vision, so that I do not focus solely on myself, isolated with pain and disappointments, but instead understand my spiritual connection to others.

Carl Jung, noted psychoanalyst, once said, "Your vision will become clear only when you look into your heart. Who looks outside, dreams. Who looks inside, awakens." My heart, the interior landscape of my life, is filled with items to explore and appreciate; when I become fearful, I turn away from all that is my own experience and begin to point the finger outwardly. I cower from the truth that is my complicity in the twists and turns, pains and sorrows of my life. Sometimes I flat out refuse to see what is the truth of my separation from who I really am. The illusion of separation allows me to think I am alone, unsafe, without the power to experience joy. What flawed thinking! When I choose to recognize that I am a spirit having a human experience, I separate myself only from my fears, never from Spirit. I have never been from this world, I am just visiting. I have an undeniable, infinite, incontrovertable connection with Spirit: this I know for certain. I have faith that I can see life experiences as simply part of my journey toward an awakening reunion with universal Truth. Make friends with your life: look inward and exhale.

Obstacles or Opportunities

2009-05-17T04:34:00.000-04:00

" You only make a bridge where there is a river." - Luyia ( Kenya)

Many would probably agree that a bridge over a river is a passage over an obstacle, providing access to the other side; the river can be used as a metaphor for obstacles we face. But if I step back a bit from that metaphor, I realize that the river is powerful, beautiful energy and the bridge is an opportunity to take in its wonder. When I traveled in Paris for the first time many years ago, I was enchanted by the 37 bridges over the Seine river. My camera couldn't get enough of the beauty of those bridges. But my best shots were taken when I took an evening cruise down the Seine and reveled in the views as I approached the bridges or passed under them. Being on the river allowed me to be carried to different places and afforded me different views from the ones I had enjoyed earlier as a looked down at the river from high above its flowing waters.

Today it is the river not the bridge that fascinates me. A river naturally flows toward an ocean, a lake, a sea or another river, but sometimes a river flows into the ground or dries up along the way before reaching another body of water. When I'm facing a challenge, sometimes I wish it would just dry up and go away, but I'm beginning to realize that I miss something important if that were to happen. I want the river that is my life to keep flowing toward the powerful sea. When my life is flowing, I feel the power of Spirit. I don't want to get stuck in the past, the upstream, when I can move downstream toward more and more opportunities to broaden and deepen my view.

Bridges still remind me that I can get over the challenge I face, if I allow the challenge to carry me to new places. Managing conflicts at work and at home requires that we get moving toward deeper, more significant waters, and consider the temporary hurts and humiliations to be the shallow waters of life. Are you appreciating the flow of your life? Step back for a moment and take a look. Are you moving downstream to something bigger and more powerful?

Two Guests

2009-05-16T07:02:00.000-04:00

" Two guests cannot be entertained satisfactorily at the same time." - Gikuyu

A few years ago, I comforted my grandson, who was having a bad day, by encouraging him to experiment. I encouraged him to try to feel sad and smile at the same time. He couldn't do it.

I discovered as an adult that I could not be fearful and loving at the same time. Sometimes fear is a guest that we don't want to visit, but it knocks on our door loudly, makes our heart beat faster than it should, and leaves us battered and bruised from its presence. Love on the other hand moves softly in our hearts, creating warmth and peace, and never really leaves us, but just gets smothered and dismissed by other guests.

If we open the door, fear brings an entourage of companions: illness, loss, discouragement, disillusionment, disappointment, cynicism, and despair. Fear does not want us to have any other friends like hope or faith or trust. Fear tries to convince us that trust cannot be trusted, that faith will disappoint us, and that hope is for dreamers. Fear withholds the truth of our lives.

Nothing is achievable without hope; faith is the belief in the fulfillment of the promise of a powerful Spirit and trust is the realization that we are never alone - Spirit lives within us.
Love comes to visit with no companions. But, its presence fills the room. Love is much larger than life as we know it, and so it likes to play with life and push the boundaries of existence, creating new and wonderful reasons to be joyful. No matter what the challenge is that we face, love is there for us and with us.

One guest lives with us tenderly, and the other pounds hysterically on our life's door. Which one will we pay attention to today?

Both Hands

2009-05-15T06:44:00.000-04:00

" Hold a true friend with both hands." -Kanuri (Nigeria)

No matter the size of my prized possessions, when I move them, I tend to hold them with both hands. I want the items to be safely repositioned, or moved with the care that they deserve. I'm not hysterically obsessed with the objects, I simply admire their beauty or functionality. I am careful also not to become unduly attached to the objects, so that their loss does not diminish me. If I were to lose them, I would simply be thankful for having had an opportunity to enjoy them for a time.

A few years ago, I downsized from a single family home to a condominium. Shrewdly, I sold or gave away many of my possessions to friends and relatives, so that I could visit them from time to time. Some items that I chose to keep arrived from temporary storage damaged and broken. Someone did not hold the items with both hands. Sometimes I want to be held with both hands, and then I remember who I am and what my life is all about. I realize that I am always in a long-term relationship.

There are at least two types of friendships we can experience in life: one-hand friendships and two-hand friendships. One-hand friendships are temporary, so their short-term nature makes them instrumental rather than personal. One-hand friendships are useful for a time, and when a situation changes, and the need subsides, they break apart. One-hand friendships are self-serving and emotionally charged, so when they have provided what those in the relationship want, the relationship comes to a close. One-hand friendships are based on conditional agreements - tacit and explicit. As long as all the agreements can be sustained, the friendship can continue.

On the other "hand," we always have at least one two-hand friendship: our relationship with Spirit. Two-hand friendships are long-term, so the boundary of the relationship is infinite. This extraordinary two-hand friendship evolves and moves continuously providing the energy for the relationship to continue. Two-hand friendships are responsive; they are respectful and full of care. But the awesome power of the two-hand friendship is the depth of love within the relationship.

I go through life experiencing both friendships, but I am comforted by the truth that I will always be held with both hands. With that knowing, I can enjoy the one-hand friendships and still know that all is well. Know that you are always in the hands of Spirit. Can you feel the love?

Underexposure

2009-05-14T06:41:00.000-04:00

" A person who has not traveled believes that his mother is the only cook." - Uganda

My cousin in Atlanta prepares feasts during holidays and other celebrations that are works of love and art. When I was young, I was convinced that my mother was the best cook in the world; her homemade rolls were in fact the best I've ever eaten. Later, I traveled to other parts of the world and enjoyed some of the best cuisine the world has to offer. Without my experience of travel to other places in the United States as well as other countries, I could easily develop the notion that my mother and Atlanta relatives are the only ones who cook well. Today's proverb of course is about more than cooking. For me, it's more about the scope of our awareness.

Are we aware of our beliefs and how they construct our view of others? No matter what the challenging situation is for us, are we able to see beyond our circumstances? Do we cling to what is familiar, or do we reach out to others whom we believe are different from us? I once taught a class at a university on multicultural education. At one point in one of my lectures, I asked students to imagine a world filled with people who looked exactly like them, who spoke only their language, and believed only what they believed. Some surprisingly were comforted by that fantasy, while others found the prospect of sameness horrifying. The extreme brought into bold relief the promise and perils of "sameness" and cultural diversity.

As human beings, we are both connected and unique. We have an opportunity to be comforted in our spiritual connection and appreciative of our uniqueness. If we choose to be aware only of our spiritual connection, we can escape into sameness, and pretend that behaviors that annoy us are temporary mistakes, transgressions, or personality disorders, because we expect everyone ideally to "cook" the same. Sometimes this plays out in religious communities, social associations, workplaces or intimate relationships, where the assumption of sameness can lead to disillusionment and disappointment. It can lead to what a pastor of a church once referred to as "church hurt," when members exclude or judge one another or fracture trust. These religious, social, corporate and personal connections may exclude others who march to a different drummer, since sameness gives these groups or partners a clear boundary and a sense of exclusivity and identity.

Uniqueness offers a different set of opportunities and challenges. How much uniqueness are we willing to accommodate? How much is too much? How inclusive are we willing to be? To what extent do we see uniqueness as exceptions, exotic, curiously different? I recently facilitated a session with a staff group that was in a state of tension over racial and cultural insensitivity in the workplace. One woman of Latin American descent expressed anxiety about receiving probing questions about her country of birth from colleagues. The "where are you from?" questions had reached a dizzying crescendo for her. She was from Switzerland, the country of her birth, but when she gave that reply, coworkers balked and probed further with disbelief! Are we using our acceptance of uniqueness of individuals as a new way to put others into a box?

What we seek is connection to Spirit, but that connection is already a reality. What we desire is the joy that comes from our individual, unique experience of life. We can choose joy right now. We can choose to be kind to ourselves and to others. We can enjoy our own cooking, so that we know how to enjoy an "other's" meal. We can appreciate who we are and eat anywhere from the table of love.

Resent Not

2009-05-13T15:34:00.000-04:00

" The bitter heart eats its owner." - Tswana

Most of us would agree with Raymond Charles Barker that "resentment is ruin." I've wasted energy on resentment, until I realized that I was the only one suffering, in fact even the only one remembering the event or situation that prompted my resentment. What are we seeking in resentful thoughts and behaviors? What are we trying to recapture, repair or win? Is it damaged pride? Is it a sense of importance? Is resentment an exaggerated form of regret?

Resentment is passionate energy that sustains itself through the continual repetition of a painful or unhappy event. Resentment influences other aspects of our lives that have nothing to do with the egregious event. We continually resend messages to our heart of how much we hurt. Like a long-running Broadway play, resentment plays on. Like a Hatfield-McCoy feud, the resentment takes on a life of its own, and becomes a source of anxiety long after the resentment-producing situation or behavior has any meaningful influence in our life. In the absence of means to fight back, we choose resentment. But, we fight back in our heart and mind over and over again.

We are in fact fighting with ourselves. Instead, we can confront our hurts by acknowledging the role we have played in perpetuating the pain. We can reduce its impact and reduce the time that it consumes our thoughts. We have the power to change the way we think about what has happened to us. We can begin by embracing all that is good in our lives now!

Self-Assessments

2009-05-12T04:19:00.000-04:00

" If an arrow has not entered, then its removal is not hard." - Ashanti

When I was a child growing up in Philadelphia, PA, I remember repeating the refrain, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me." But as I grew, there were times when I allowed words to hurt me. Not just words, but attitudes, imagined slights and differences in treatment struck me in tender places. The more I revisited those tender places, the more the injuries grew. After a point, the slightest resemblance that new bruises bore to old hurts could bring up fear and anxiety quickly. I could have at any time chosen a different way to assess the situations; I could have refused to allow"the arrow to enter." I could have and still can be aware of how I apprehend another person's thought or behavior and make it my own.

I have realized over the years that the "arrows" enter because of my self-assessments or judgments. Like a giant magnet, what I believe about myself allows some arrows to enter and find a home in my life experience, while other arrows fail to hit their mark and fall "on deaf ears."

I could spend time trying to understand why some arrows enter and others do not, but I spend more of my energy choosing to feel good about myself and others. I could try to exorcise the arrows that have entered, but I choose to embrace the present moment and appreciate the kindness and joy that exist in my life. The present moment holds the most promise for an arrow-free existence. Embrace who you are now. No arrow can disturb such a powerful presence.

Being and Becoming

2009-05-11T10:53:00.000-04:00

" Roots do not know what the leaf has in mind." - Mongo(Chad)

I am a human being, not a human doing or a human futuring. I am also a human who dreams, who takes action, and who continually imagines a future different from what I am experiencing in the moment. But, most importantly, I am a being. Even more exciting for me as a being is that I'm continually becoming - something. I am aware of who I am as I continue to evolve as a human being. But when I was born, I had no idea what I would become - what I would choose as a career, or whom I would marry, or what kind of life I would live.

The leaves of my life were not formed at my roots, but were nurtured by them. I only know the valuable contribution that my roots have played in my life by looking back at them, and honoring them. I grew up in a spiritually focused home with loving parents, who provided warmth, shelter and a culture of achievement and intellectual curiosity. My undereducated father was a math genius, who labored in a leather tannery. My mother, with middle class values and a strong faith, modeled the intrinsic values of education and love.

But, the roots did not know why they were roots, because they were just doing their job, being roots. It was up to me to create for myself a life built on choices and faith. It was up to me to allow my life to unfold as I grew. Being myself is knowing that I have roots that support me, but that I have the power to choose what I believe, and that my roots do not disappear if I have a mind of my own. My thoughts are the core of my being, and what I choose to think determines the reality I experience now and the fulfilled desires I will experience in the future. What are you becoming? What are the leaves of your life?

Happying

2009-05-10T10:15:00.000-04:00

" Happiness is like a field you can harvest every season." - Luo

What's your favorite season of the year? I love autumn months - they're warm with cool nights; beautiful with turning leaves; and busy with schools reopening, sports ending and beginning, and holidays bringing people together. Being happy in the fall is easy for me, because I can appreciate the happiness of endings and beginnings.

I have to remind myself of the "happying" I can engage in during the winter and summer. Winter 'happying' is hot chocolate and fireplaces, or stunning mountain vistas - the happiness of sensual pleasure. Summer is festivals, gorgeous blooms, and super-green trees. Summer invites me to appreciate the happiness of growth and change.

I saved my reflections on spring for last, because that time of year for me is the most tricky. The temperatures are glorious, but in Atlanta, the rain and thunderstorms tear through cities and towns wreaking havoc with power and property. The plants are beautiful in the spring, but the pollen leaves me gasping for air, and continually removing pollen dust from my car or furniture. But, in spite of the challenges, spring is a time for me to appreciate the happiness of expectation. It's all there for me to experience - I simply have to acknowledge the field of my dreams, set aside worries and be happy.

The Magic of Touch

2009-05-09T09:48:00.000-04:00

" If nothing touches the palm leaves, they do not rustle." - Ashanti

Sometimes I go through many days before being touched, even with a handshake. At first, the lack of touch is not prominently in my awareness. But then, as time goes on, I realize that the lack of touch has made me tired, restless and impatient. Ashley Montague in his famous book on touching, researches and demonstrates the dire consequences of the lack of touch or nurturing, and the tremendous benefits of this connection with another spirit.
A client of mine was out on maternity leave for about 2 months. When she returned to work and scheduled a coaching session, I greeted her with a hug. The hug was as much a benefit for me as it was a celebration of the birth of her child. Sometimes people resist hugging for their own reasons, so I try to respect their boundaries. I'm aware that people have histories, sometimes painful ones associated with touching. But, I don't try to figure it out, or find reasons for a person's resistance, I try to honor it. It may be even judgmental to call it resistance, because what people choose is simply what they believe is best for them. I would have to "walk a mile in their moccasins" to understand.
Touching is important to me. I recently purchased a puppy who was rescued from an infamous puppy mill. He is learning to trust people as they attempt to touch him. I marvel at how brave he is and how curious he is about others. In spite of his early life experience, he wants the leaves to rustle, he wants to engage. I wonder sometimes if that's really what love is - touching so that the leaves of our lives will rustle.

Seeds

2009-05-08T08:15:00.000-04:00

"Do not look where you fell, but where you slipped." - Yoruba

I'm naturally curious, so when something happens in my life that I find challenging, I try to find out what the universe is showing me that can be useful in the future. I believe that there is an antecedent to every thought and every behavior, but sometimes we focus most of our energy on the aftermath of thought or an event. We spend lots of energy paying attention to symptoms and not as much to causes. Whether we are examining the various "ism's"- racism, sexism, heterosexism, ageism, etc. - or trying to manage an epidemic or pandemic, it's helpful to look at where we slipped, what caused the event or syndrome of behaviors. The causes are like seeds, deeply rooted, and at any moment ready to break through the cultivated soil of life.
Negative behaviors are seeded by fear, not love. Negative events are seeded by the desire for more - more wealth, more love, more significance, more power. Our life gardens are the result of what we have planted.

We have the power to choose what seeds we plant and whether we cultivate the soil that gives them life or not. Even the lowly bacterium has "ase" ( pronounced aah-shay), a life force that gives it efficacy. We all have life force as human spirits. We can choose learning over blame, or connection over isolation. We can become aware of our own seeds - where we slipped, and then learn to fall less dramatically in the future. What seeds are you planting in your life?

Absent and Wrong

2009-05-07T07:16:00.000-04:00

" Those who are absent are always wrong." - Congo

I can have the best arguments with people who are not in the room. It sounds crazy, but the people who cannot defend their position or perspectives are usually absent, not available to object to my untested opinions. I can make the absent people very, very wrong. I then have an obligation to reach out to those whom I have made wrong in order to heal myself.

Sometimes those people made wrong have passed away, or moved away, or faded from our memory, but the impact on our well-being is strong.

The "absent ones" are not safe at work either. When work or personality styles collide, conflicts and blame games arise. Failing to confront those differences provides opportunities for camps to develop.

Religious, social, economic and political communities exacerbate tensions as they make "outsiders" wrong. The "wrong" ones are impure, unclean, unintelligent, misguided, and unfit. The "right" ones are those who agree with us, who look like us, who think as we do, who have had a similar life experience as ours. Judging and separation commit our life to one of limitations. When we fence others out, we fence ourselves in. When we pronounce others "wrong," we unintentionally make ourselves judges of lives that we have not created.

We have parts of our own life that we can honor. We can use those "honorable" parts as models of how life can be lived, thoughts can be thought, and love can be shown. By being clear as an example of the love we are, we can respect other spiritual beings as an extension of our spiritual family, and give up the illusion of separateness. We are never really alone; others in some way, are always with us. They in truth are never absent. What is the example you are setting?

Words to Overuse

2009-05-06T06:41:00.000-04:00

" Quarrels end, but words once spoken never die." - Sierre Leone

Have you ever said something and then immediately regretted your words? Have you wished that you could somehow retract them? Vice President Biden's recent remarks about protecting oneself from contracting swine flu was one of his gaffes, coming from a place of fear.
When newspapers make mistakes, a correction is published in an obscure place that many readers may miss. But, the acknowledgement of the errors at least satisfies legal issues. Often readers continue to believe the erroneous information because they've missed the retraction, or they find the original information more plausible.
A major source of misconstrued words is the unfortunate use of humor. Satirists are particularly vulnerable to misinterpretation, as in the case of Steven Colbert, a political comedian who has managed to garner support from several political perspectives, because of his brilliant use of sarcasm. But, sarcasm carries an undeniably hostile component, and can be both instructive and destructive.
An antidote to regretted words, misstatements, gaffes and sarcastic jabs is "soft engagement." Words I try to overuse are "thank you, I appreciate..., all is well, I love..." Whenever I acknowledge another person or situation with my overused words, I experience the reflective joy of engagement. I am warmed by the contact that I make with another human being when my words come from a place of love and respect. What are the words that you overuse?

While You Are Waiting

2009-05-05T06:51:00.000-04:00

" When God cooks, you don't see smoke." - Congo

Where there's smoke, there's fire. Something is cooking, something is hot. Our anticipation is palpable when we see evidence of some impending desire. But sometimes the evidence is not forthcoming, and the anxiety about not seeing "the smoke" can ruin our day. Faith is a mixture of patience and joyful anticipation; it is an experience of peaceful waiting. What is peaceful waiting? It is savoring moments of joyful anticipation, while knowing that what we have asked for is already on its way. We know that something is stirring, because we feel it. We spend our moments being curious about how the theater that is our life will play out. We take stock of the way past successes felt when we achieved them. We remember how we felt just before we received evidence of our dreams or prayers, and how we felt immediately after our triumph, and then we reflect on the delicious beginning of a new prayer or dream. The universe is moving because we are asking and dreaming. The universe cooks, and we have no idea what kinds of ingredients will produce the meal, but we trust that the banquet will be stunning!

Experience

2009-05-04T07:22:00.000-04:00

" Wood already touched by fire is not hard to set alight." - Ashanti

Everyone can appreciate the value of experience, but among all the life experiences we have had, which ones do we remember? Did pleasant, joyous experiences come to mind, or did the problematic past creep into your awareness? Cultural Anthropologist Angeles Arrien has said the we humans are " addicted to what's not working." Our hurts and disappointments can sometimes consume our thoughts, and rob us of the joy of living. What's more devastating than our penchant for problem reviewing is our knack for repeating our negative experiences, each time plunging into these experiences with less and less awareness of their impact on our sense of well-being. On the other hand, our experiences can warm us, and cause us to expect new, delicious ones. Our remembrances of a joyous past will bring more and more joy. Will you be "set alight" today with sorrow or joy? It is always your choice.

Integrity

2009-05-03T06:43:00.000-04:00

" Wood may remain ten years in the water, but it will never become a crocodile." - Congo

Our circumstances can influence our self-perception, if we choose to see them as the truth of who we are. We are more than our challenges. We are more than our surroundings. We are more than our mistakes, or hurts, or frustrations. More, more, more! Above my desk hangs a quote by Bruce Barton, a successful entrepreneur: "Nothing splendid has ever been achieved except by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance." When we recognize the spirit within us, we know who we are. We are love expressing itself in our very existence. Loving spirit is the energy that defines us, and gives us a sense of integrity. Who are you being today? Will you allow your spirit to move you in the direction you imagine, or will you try to become something you are not? Will you separate yourself from who you really are, or will you choose spiritual integrity? Love who you are.

Safe and Sound

2009-05-02T06:41:00.000-04:00

"Do not call the forest that shelters you a jungle" - Ashanti

I live in a small metropolitan area that hosts a panoply of sudden sounds and sometimes relentless motion. The urban scene is a comfort to some and an annoyance to others. With the sound and motion symphony comes a canopy of services, entertainment and delicious variety. The city nourishes me, even though I sometimes complain about the loud noises so early in the morning. The city is more to me than a "concrete jungle."
I work with interesting organizations, struggling in some cases to survive in a capricious economy, or looking toward growth as opportunities surface. With the organizations' desire to manage the changes they face comes creative energy and new ways to resolve old inefficiencies. My work nourishes me, even though going through airport security, driving to locations with insufficient sleep, and sleeping in unfamiliar hotel rooms can be challenging. My work is more to me than the trappings of travel.
I relish the past, present and future relationships in my life. Each one teaches me how to be more loving, and to appreciate how temporary this life experience really is, even though my attachments to them can sometimes cause me to feel pain. My relationships nourish me in so many ways. I am who I am because of who we are together.
The more we celebrate where we are now, our significance as loving spirits, and our capacity to be the love we came to this life to be, the more we see the value of our existence. We are safe and sound.